Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors, such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is argued that
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
life
always go
with attempts and resolutions because it will make them feel satisfied with their Change the verb form
goes
life
by
lots of money, Change preposition
with
while
others believe that success in life
is just enjoy
every little Wrong verb form
enjoying
things
of their Change to a singular noun
thing
life
.
To begin
with, nowadays we live in a materialistic world where most individuals jude
Correct your spelling
judge
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
base
on their Replace the word
based
look
and bank Fix the agreement mistake
looks
account
. Having good fortune means being able to buy the best clothes, having the ability to purchase the most beautiful houses and Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
having
access to the best services and education. Wrong verb form
have
Therefore
, most people will assume that because that person is successful in his or her life
, they are able to enjoy life
to the fullest. Moreover
, we cannot assure that a person's appearance is a key factor to succeed
in some sectors.
Replace the word
success
However
, we cannot only base success only on appearance and money, beauty standers
vary from one person to another, but Correct your spelling
standards
also
being wealth
is not Replace the word
wealthy
neccessarily
true in success with many people who were born Correct your spelling
necessarily
in
rich families. There are still other key factors which make someone Change preposition
into
succesfull
. Correct your spelling
successful
For instance
, Marie Curie has
completed her husband's late research Unnecessary verb
apply
by
determination and effort, signing her as one of the most famous Change preposition
with
pioneer
in Change to a plural noun
pioneers
physical
field.
Taking everything into account, Add an article
the physical
although
money and appearence
will give a head start in some sectors, passion, determination, discipline and Correct your spelling
appearance
hard-working
are for goal Correct word choice
hard work
achievements
. Fix the agreement mistake
achievement
Thus
, never stop trying and working will lead human
on the road to Fix the agreement mistake
humans
succeed
.Replace the word
success
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Task Achievement
Your essay attempts to discuss both views, but the discussion lacks depth and development. Try to fully explore each view with clear, distinct paragraphs. This not only shows your understanding but also helps in achieving a more coherent argument structure.
Task Achievement
Include a clear thesis statement in your introduction to state your own view clearly. This helps in fulfilling the task requirements more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer logical structure. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea you will discuss. This helps in maintaining focus and improving the overall coherence of your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance cohesion, use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will make your essay flow more naturally.
Task Achievement
To better support your arguments, include more detailed examples. Preferably, these examples should be specific and relevant to the topic being discussed. They play a crucial role in demonstrating your understanding and in strengthening your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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