IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In developing countries, some people think governments should introduce new technology for people in order to improve the quality of life, while others believe governments should offer free education. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#countries #people #governments #technology #quality #life #offer #education
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The modern
Correct article usage
Modern
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 has major effects on
pupils
Change noun form
pupils'
pupil's
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 them so easy
as
Correct word choice
apply
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compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
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 to past
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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. With the help of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and
smartphones
Add a comma
smartphones,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can easily do
hard
Add an article
a hard
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 job in
couple
Correct article usage
a couple
show examples
seconds
Change preposition
of seconds
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such
Linking Words
 as sending information by email or messages. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 need to spend some
money
Use synonyms
 on
technology
Use synonyms
 for
better
Correct article usage
the better
show examples
 lives of
people
Use synonyms
 but some
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that
education
Use synonyms
 must be free for
better
Correct article usage
the better
show examples
 lives of
people
Use synonyms
. I will discuss both views in upcoming paragraphs
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
required
Add a missing verb
is required
show examples
 to use
money
Use synonyms
 on
technology
Use synonyms
 for good
life
Use synonyms
 quality of
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 and they need to spend
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 sector
such
Linking Words
 as buying
high
Add a hyphen
high-technology
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 equipment.
Use synonyms
Government
Add an article
The government
show examples
 needs to consume
money
Use synonyms
 to order some
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 machines which are curing dangerous diseases
such
Linking Words
 as cancer,
HIV
Correct word choice
and HIV
show examples
. Some developing nations
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have
such
Linking Words
 machines where so many
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
die
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of equipment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these machines can use
for
Change preposition
to
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 save the
life
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 are
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 that
government
Use synonyms
 needs to spend
money
Use synonyms
 on free
education
Use synonyms
 because
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 are
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
. With
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
Use synonyms
education
Add a comma
education,
show examples
 they become
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 in
life
Use synonyms
 and can do
lot
Add an article
a lot
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
Add an article
the nation
show examples
nation for
Change preposition
nation's
show examples
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
. With the help of free
education
Use synonyms
 students get
vast
Add an article
the vast
a vast
show examples
 majority of
opperuinites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 in different sectors where they can express their talent. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, some nations have
expansive
Add an article
an expansive
show examples
education
Use synonyms
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 some students
did not
Verb problem
cannot
show examples
 afford and
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to show their talent. That's
way
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on free
education
Use synonyms
 for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 future
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 students
as well as
Linking Words
Use synonyms
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe spending
money
Use synonyms
 on modern
technology
Use synonyms
 by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 is
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
 way
for dealing
Change preposition
to deal
show examples
 with
high risk
Add a hyphen
high-risk
show examples
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 but they have to consider the other factor
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 free
education
Use synonyms
 which
Add a missing verb
is helpful
show examples
helpful
Replace the word
helps
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
 to develop fast with
support
Add an article
the support
show examples
 of young and educated generations.
Submitted by ranjot59 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that the response comprehensively addresses all parts of the prompt. This involves discussing both views with equal depth and providing a clear personal opinion. Make sure your opinion is stated in the introduction and reaffirmed in the conclusion for greater clarity.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on structuring your essay more logically. This could involve organizing your paragraphs more clearly around each main point. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal its main idea to the reader.
task achievement
You've made a good effort in supporting your main points with examples. However, to further enhance your essay, try to include more detailed and specific examples that vividly demonstrate your point. This could involve citing specific countries, studies, or tangible outcomes of policies.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Use a variety of linking phrases and words to guide the reader through your argument. This will also enhance the overall flow of your essay.
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