Some people think that success in life comes from hardwork and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Among human aspirations, a prosperous life is among the most common. Some believe that
peserverance
Correct your spelling
perseverance
and hard effort are essential to
success
,
while
others believe that material wealth and good looks are more important. Both sides of the argument are discussed in detail in
this
article, and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
will offer my reasoning for supporting the first opinion. On the one hand, it is true that attractiveness and money play a major role in a person's
success
, particularly whether they launch their own company or work in the film industry. First off, it costs a ton of money to launch a business since you need to buy equipment, recruit employees, and rent an office.
Consequently
, having money is not the sole factor in
success
, rather it plays a significant role in a successful film.
Secondly
, performers benefit professionally from having a nice look. Actors with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
look
Fix the agreement mistake
looks
show examples
have a significant edge in their field because audiences are drawn to powerful, attractive women who make an impact.
Nevertheless
, for those who aspire to succeed, perseverance and hard effort are more crucial.
For instance
,
success
in certain fields like sports requires physical activity,
while
success
in education requires perseverance and curiosity. Daily training and
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
are necessary for athletes to stay in top physical condition and perform at their best.
In addition
, for the purpose of education, researchers must maintain their curiosity
in
Change preposition
about
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the surrounding human existence.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, loans to banks can be used for financial issues, and positive traits can cover up negative appearances. Many successful performers owe their
success
to their comedic sense or acting prowess, so if someone has faith in their abilities, they will succeed if they work hard and are determined. In conclusion, material wealth and good looks can help people advance in their jobs, but persistence and hard effort are the only ways to succeed.
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task response
Ensure that your introduction sets a clear context for the discussion and that you articulate your thesis statement more distinctly. This way, readers immediately know the direction of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence, it's beneficial to use a wider range of linking devices to connect ideas and paragraphs more smoothly. Experiment with synonyms and paraphrases to avoid repetition and keep the reader engaged.
task response
For an even stronger task response, consider developing your arguments further with more specific and varied examples. This could involve citing statistics, referencing case studies, or including personal anecdotes where appropriate.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • commitment
  • achievement
  • legendary figures
  • humble beginnings
  • sheer will
  • financial resources
  • societal perceptions
  • intrinsic qualities
  • extrinsic factors
  • advantageous circumstances
  • nuanced perspective
  • financial stability
  • societal biases
  • dynamics
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