Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while other think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, the majority of
people
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believe that having
devoltion
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devotion
devolution
and hard work will
allows
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allow
show examples
them to be
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Add an article
a success
show examples
success
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successful
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,
besides
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, others claim that
money
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and
appearance
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are more crucial.
This
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writer lent more towards
on
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apply
show examples
the first idea and will elucidate in the
follwing
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following
essays. On the one hand, dedication can help humans gain more experience, knowledge and promotion which develop themselves day by day. Being hard-working
lead
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leads
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workers
practice
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to practice
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more in their fields and gain new
opportunity
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opportunities
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in life. Taking Emma Watson as an example, she has not stopped endeavouring since she was a child, she has improved herself through many years and the result is that she has
being
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been
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a big boss of a famous company.
Devoltion
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Devolution
and hard-working are two necessary factors in each person's life that lead
people
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being
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to be
show examples
successful.
On the other hand
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, there
still
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are still
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other elements which make humans come to
success
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, those one
maybe
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may
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not come from their
owns
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own
show examples
, it can be their family,
the
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or the
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beauty of
lucky
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a lucky
the lucky
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person.
Moreover
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,
people
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
tent
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tend
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to
spent
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spend
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more
money
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on improving their
appearance
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due to
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their work
requirement
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requirements
show examples
that
help
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helps
show examples
them gain more
opportunity
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opportunities
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in work.
For instance
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, plastic surgery
hospital
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hospitals
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are increasing
for
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apply
show examples
the demand of both genders to change their outlook
for
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to
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easily apply for many jobs
such
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as models.
Consequently
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, preparing for outlook and having enough
money
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are both significant
constituent
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constituents
show examples
in order to
being
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be
show examples
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success
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successful
show examples
. In my view point, having dedication and patience are the most important factors which help
people
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being
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be
show examples
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Add an article
a success
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success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
,
this
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way
help
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helps
show examples
humans get more experience and failure that improve themselves in the future. All challenges can be
dealed
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dealt
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with if
people
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get enough commitment, rather than their
appearance
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or even their
money
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. Taking everything into consideration, both
devoltion
Correct your spelling
devolution
devotion
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appearance
Change to a plural noun
appearances
show examples
have
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has
show examples
their own values.
However
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, determination always be a good way to
getting
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get
show examples
success
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.

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Task Response
Make sure to address the question directly and develop your argument comprehensively. Your essay should clearly discuss both views and provide a reasoned opinion, ensuring you cover all parts of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be followed by supporting sentences that relate directly to that idea. Transitions between paragraphs can also be improved for better flow.
Language Proficiency
Avoid spelling and grammar errors as they can distract the reader and make your essay harder to understand. Practice proofreading your work or use tools to check your writing before finalizing it.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more persuasive. Ensure that the examples you choose are directly relevant to the topic and your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
What to do next:
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