Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while other think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, the majority of
people
believe that having
devoltion
Correct your spelling
devotion
devolution
and hard work will
allows
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allow
show examples
them to be
Add an article
a success
show examples
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
,
besides
, others claim that
money
and
appearance
are more crucial.
This
writer lent more towards
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the first idea and will elucidate in the
follwing
Correct your spelling
following
essays. On the one hand, dedication can help humans gain more experience, knowledge and promotion which develop themselves day by day. Being hard-working
lead
Replace the word
leads
show examples
workers
practice
Fix the infinitive
to practice
show examples
more in their fields and gain new
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
in life. Taking Emma Watson as an example, she has not stopped endeavouring since she was a child, she has improved herself through many years and the result is that she has
being
Wrong verb form
been
show examples
a big boss of a famous company.
Devoltion
Correct your spelling
Devolution
and hard-working are two necessary factors in each person's life that lead
people
being
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
successful.
On the other hand
, there
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
other elements which make humans come to
success
, those one
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
not come from their
owns
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own
show examples
, it can be their family,
the
Correct word choice
or the
show examples
beauty of
lucky
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a lucky
the lucky
show examples
person.
Moreover
,
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
tent
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
more
money
on improving their
appearance
due to
their work
requirement
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requirements
show examples
that
help
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helps
show examples
them gain more
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
in work.
For instance
, plastic surgery
hospital
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hospitals
show examples
are increasing
for
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apply
show examples
the demand of both genders to change their outlook
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
easily apply for many jobs
such
as models.
Consequently
, preparing for outlook and having enough
money
are both significant
constituent
Change to a plural noun
constituents
show examples
in order to
being
Change the verb
be
show examples
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
. In my view point, having dedication and patience are the most important factors which help
people
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
Add an article
a success
show examples
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
,
this
way
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
humans get more experience and failure that improve themselves in the future. All challenges can be
dealed
Correct your spelling
dealt
show examples
with if
people
get enough commitment, rather than their
appearance
or even their
money
. Taking everything into consideration, both
devoltion
Correct your spelling
devolution
devotion
appearance
Change to a plural noun
appearances
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
their own values.
However
, determination always be a good way to
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
success
.

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Task Response
Make sure to address the question directly and develop your argument comprehensively. Your essay should clearly discuss both views and provide a reasoned opinion, ensuring you cover all parts of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be followed by supporting sentences that relate directly to that idea. Transitions between paragraphs can also be improved for better flow.
Language Proficiency
Avoid spelling and grammar errors as they can distract the reader and make your essay harder to understand. Practice proofreading your work or use tools to check your writing before finalizing it.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more persuasive. Ensure that the examples you choose are directly relevant to the topic and your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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