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Band 6.5

The percentage of adults in urban and rural areas who engaged in four leisure activities between 1990 and 2010 is depicted in the graph below.

#percentage #adults #areas #four #leisure #activities
The provided table chart illustrates the proportion of grown-ups in city and countryside regions who engaged in different leisure pursuits, namely reading, animated play, playing, and photography between 1990 and 2010.
Overall
, it is clear from the chart that the majority of people use their spare time for reading in both locations.
Moreover
, an upward trend can be seen in the figure for reading and photography,
while
 the opposite was true for animated play and playing. Looking at the table more closely, one can see that the data of mature persons in urban areas spending on reading witnessed a significant increase from 61% to 78% over the ten years, holding the greatest percentage in all categories,
while
 the ratio for rural settings experienced a sharp rise from 71% to 78% that shared equal data with the former in the same period.
In addition
, beginning at 7% and 14% in 1900, the statistics for adults in towns
as well as
 villages followed an upward tendency to 14 and 26% after 10 years, respectively.
However
, during a decade, the figure for urban space stayed unchanged at 10%,
while
 the representation of people using their free time for animated play in rural locations dropped slightly from 18% to 14%.
Additionally
, in the period between 1990 and 2010, there was a drastic decrease of 14% in the statistics for people involved in the playing category, which in rural settings remained unchanged at 26%.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task and includes data from the chart. However, there are some areas where clarity could be improved—for example, the phrase 'while the opposite was true for animated play and playing' could be more specific. Try to make each point as clear and detailed as possible.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure and includes an introduction and main body paragraphs. However, the conclusion is missing. Make sure you summarize the key points in a conclusion to provide closure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence transitions and the overall flow of the essay. For example, using more linking words and phrases can help make the transitions between points smoother and the connections between ideas clearer.
task achievement
The essay effectively uses data from the chart to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay in terms of following trends in urban and rural areas is clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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