Some people think that success in life coms from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It
is argues
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is argued
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that
the
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apply
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backbreaking work and
persistency
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persistence
show examples
are the important things to
be succeed
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succeed
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,
while
the
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apply
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others believe that
the
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apply
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money
management and
the
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apply
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semblance are the best reason for becoming successful. In my opinion,
i
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I
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believe that having
finance
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finances
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and having a good advent are the
key
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keys
show examples
to success. On the one hand, the awareness of each
people
in their life plays a crucial role in
succeed
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success
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.
This
is important to understand that a mindset of relentless learning and constantly seeking opportunities can help
people
develop personal skills and experiences. A good example of
this
is
Jackma
Correct your spelling
Jackman
who from a poor guy to Asia's richest person in 2014. Despite his already impressive accomplishments, he continued with persistence and determination to overcome difficulties on the way to his dream.
On the other hand
, investing
money
for ready and
appearance
can have a new opportunity. Raising
money
for education can help
people
learn academic
knowledge
or experiments from
the
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apply
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others.
For instance
, almost
schools
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all schools
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in England encourage
junior
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juniors
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to study higher to gain a higher degree which
support
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supports
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in
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apply
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their jobs.
Moreover
, having a good outward will
be
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apply
show examples
gain
a
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apply
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sympathy
for
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from
show examples
a boss when they have an interview. In my opinion, I believe that
money
management and aspect will be good
preparing
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preparation
show examples
to be
success
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successful
show examples
. If a person does not have enough
knowledge
,
a
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apply
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person can
be had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
difficult challenges in starting
new
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a new
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job
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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thing can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their determination in
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
.
Furthermore
, having a good
appearance
can have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good sympathy for
college
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the college
show examples
and they are enthusiastic
for
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about
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helping.
Hence
, spending
money
on
knowledge
and
appearance
will bring
the
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apply
show examples
better opportunities. In conclusion, success
depend
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depends
show examples
on both economics and hard work which can bring a lot of change in
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
. I think that spending
money
on
knowledge
and having a good
appearance
are effective solutions for
people
to improve their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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task response
Clarify and expand on your ideas by providing more detailed explanations and additional specific examples. This will help strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the structure of your paragraphs and ensure that there is a clear logical flow between them. This can be achieved by using linking words and phrases effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and summarize your viewpoints well. Try to restate your main points more precisely in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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