Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned while others think that people should be free to choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a contention on banning dangerous sports
while
some argue that it violates the freedom of choice. I believe that we should not dictate to other people
on
Change preposition
apply
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what to do especially if it does not concern nor affect us. If extreme recreation does not interest you, it does not give you the right to stop
others
from enjoying it as long as
safety
measures are well-founded and observed. There are
lot
Change the article
a lot
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of people who enjoy extreme sports because of the benefits it brings. Many research showed a significant increase in dopamine, the happy hormone of the brain, which triggers better mood and mental health
while
others
report that doing
this
recreational activity helps them to think quickly, be in the moment and decrease a considerable amount of stress from life. Adults who are fond of skydiving,
for instance
, shared that being in the air and free falling makes them reduce their fears and live life even better.
In contrast
, there are
safety
issues that come to light which might cause life-changing accidents and even death. Some may have lost a limb, broken a bone, and lost a loved one but these are rare instances that happen when
safety
becomes the least of their concern. As long as
safety
rules and regulations are maintained and moderation is observed, people can enjoy dangerous sports as much as they can. We have different ways to enjoy life.
While
others
may enjoy going to cafes to unwind,
others
love to do crazy things beyond our wildest imagination and we don't have the license to stop them from doing their own thing.
Submitted by decxelnarjoyragas on

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coherence cohesion
Introduce a wider range of linking phrases to improve the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Try to evenly discuss both views before presenting your opinion for a more balanced argument.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples or data to support your arguments, enhancing the relevance and impact of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Conclude your essay with a clear summary of your main points and reiterate your opinion for a stronger impact.

Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • engagement
  • incentives
  • obesity
  • recreation
  • well-being
  • peer pressure
  • physical fitness
  • endurance
  • balance
  • teamwork
  • coordination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • discipline
  • facilities
  • accessible
  • affordable
  • curriculum
  • extracurricular
  • inclusion
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