Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.
In the modern decades, many individuals believe
make
Verb problem
apply
the
Correct your spelling
that
life
Change noun form
life's
success
is come
from Change to the active voice
comes
has come
hardworking
and Correct word choice
hard work
determination
while
others believe that finance and appearance
are a
crucial Correct article usage
apply
part
of Fix the agreement mistake
parts
become
Verb problem
apply
success
. This
writer will agree with the statements and lay out reasoning
below.
On the one hand, it must be considered that experience from working and Correct article usage
the reasoning
determination
is an essential part of achieving success
in human life. In the
other words, when Correct article usage
apply
people
work in the workplace they will possess experience from learning and experiencing and they know what to do in the
social life. Take students in the USA as an example, they study and work in school in Change the word
their
working
field so that they have an acknowledge about that factor and make them flexible in working areas.
Add an article
the working
On the other hand
, many people
believe finance and appearance
will play an important part in reaching success
. It must be recognized that people
who having
money would study in a better school or higher education Wrong verb form
have
of
the factors which they study about, Change preposition
because of
moreover
, having appearance
would help them getting
the job Change the form of the verb
get
easier
because of attracting Replace the word
easily
people
in advertisement
. Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
For example
, many famous actors become success
because they use money to create their own companies and use Replace the word
successful
appearance
to attract Correct pronoun usage
their appearance
people
who want become
like them.
In conclusion, Change the verb form
becoming
to become
hardworking
and Correct word choice
hard work
determination
and possessing money and appearance
would help them success
in the way of becoming Replace the word
succeed
success
. Replace the word
successful
However
, people
who study hard and have determination
will easily to
reach the Fix the infinitive
apply
goal
of their lives because of experiencing than the finance and Fix the agreement mistake
goals
appearance
problems.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure your essay more effectively by introducing your topic and stance in the introduction, followed by a clear discussion of both views, and a cohesive conclusion summarizing your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure introduction and conclusion clearly reflect your opinion and summary of the discussion. Make sure the conclusion ties all points together
Task Achievement
Support your main points with detailed examples. General statements should be backed by specific instances or data to make your argument more compelling.
Task Achievement
Focus on clarity and brevity. Some sentences are overly complex or unclear, which could be simplified for better understanding.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.