In many cities, young people prefer shopping as a form of leisure activity. Why do you think this happens? Is it a positive or negative development.

Shopping has been the most preferred pastime activity among youngsters in many cities, Majority of young individuals use these as their means of relaxation these days.In my opinion, the disadvantage of
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
trend exceeds the benefits it poses as it leads to loss of money and waste of time.
This
occurs
as a result
of social media influence, the
quist
Correct your spelling
quest
show examples
to keep up
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the latest fashion trend, peer pressure and social status.
Firstly
, the rate at which young
people
buy
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
and accessories nowadays has been on the rise as they want to keep up the fashion trend. Frivolous spending by
people
on material items
such
as
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
, costumes and dresses
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to loss of money
financial
Correct word choice
and financial
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burden.
Moreover
, the
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
by celebrities in movies and on television
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
of new items on the market and
hence
, the rush to
ourchase
Correct your spelling
purchase
them to change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
wardrobe.
Furthermore
, peer pressure and social status
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
another factor
Fix the agreement mistake
other factors
show examples
for frequent shopping among young individuals. The need to keep up with with peers and maintain a certain social status
drive
Correct subject-verb agreement
drives
show examples
youngsters towards impulse shopping.
In addition
, a lot of cities do not have recreational centers for leisure activity
such
as parks, clubs etc. which will help the youth to
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
stress after a long day at work.
Therefore
, most
people
will prefer going on shopping trips with friends as
means
Correct article usage
a means
show examples
of spending their free time. To add to, technological advancement has brought about the availability of items on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
This
makes it easy to buy goods online without going to the shop, Shein is a typical example. In a nutshell, shopping by young
people
in their spare time is fun but leads to financial loss and
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
peer pressure as they
are influence
Change the verb form
are influenced
show examples
to get those stuff because others have them.
This
will reduce when recreational
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
are built in towns and cities to divert
attention
Add an article
the attention
show examples
of youngsters to healthy activities
such
as cycling, walking or jogging.
Submitted by dede on

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Coherence & Cohesion
It's important to clearly structure your paragraphs with a topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a conclusion sentence. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is directly supported by examples or explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion should more clearly state your main argument or viewpoint. Ensure that your thesis statement and summary are evident and clearly relate to the body of your essay.
Task Achievement
Strive for a balanced discussion that addresses both parts of the question evenly. Spend equal time discussing why young people prefer shopping as a leisure activity and whether this trend is positive or negative, providing examples for both.
Task Achievement
To provide a more comprehensive response, incorporate a wider range of examples and explanations that directly support your points. Make sure every argument or statement is backed by a relevant and specific example.
General
Consider revising your essay for grammar, punctuation, and word choice to ensure clarity and coherence in your arguments. Clear and accurate expression will enhance the overall effectiveness of your essay.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • disposable income
  • leisure activity
  • retail therapy
  • local economies
  • fashion trends
  • peer pressure
  • social status
  • environmental impact
  • consumption
  • waste
  • materialistic
  • cultural activities
  • prominent
  • neglect
  • therapeutic
  • social media influence
  • boost
  • desire
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