In many cities, young people prefer shopping as a form of leisure activity. Why do you think this happens? Is it a positive or negative development.
Shopping has been the most preferred pastime activity among youngsters in many cities, Majority of young individuals use these as their means of relaxation these days.In my opinion, the disadvantage of
these
trend exceeds the benefits it poses as it leads to loss of money and waste of time. Correct determiner usage
this
This
occurs as a result
of social media influence, the quist
to keep up Correct your spelling
quest
to
the latest fashion trend, peer pressure and social status.
Change preposition
with
Firstly
, the rate at which young people
buy cloths
and accessories nowadays has been on the rise as they want to keep up the fashion trend. Frivolous spending by Correct your spelling
clothes
people
on material items such
as smart phones
, costumes and dresses Correct your spelling
smartphones
lead
to loss of money Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
financial
burden. Correct word choice
and financial
Moreover
, the advertisement
by celebrities in movies and on television Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
awarness
of new items on the market and Correct your spelling
awareness
hence
, the rush to ourchase
them to change Correct your spelling
purchase
the
wardrobe. Change the word
their
Furthermore
, peer pressure and social status is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
another factor
for frequent shopping among young individuals. The need to keep up with with peers and maintain a certain social status Fix the agreement mistake
other factors
drive
youngsters towards impulse shopping.
Correct subject-verb agreement
drives
In addition
, a lot of cities do not have recreational centers for leisure activity such
as parks, clubs etc. which will help the youth to loose
stress after a long day at work. Replace the word
lose
Therefore
, most people
will prefer going on shopping trips with friends as means
of spending their free time. To add to, technological advancement has brought about the availability of items on the Correct article usage
a means
internet
. Capitalize word
Internet
This
makes it easy to buy goods online without going to the shop, Shein is a typical example.
In a nutshell, shopping by young people
in their spare time is fun but leads to financial loss and increase
Correct article usage
an increase
of
peer pressure as they Change preposition
in
are influence
to get those stuff because others have them. Change the verb form
are influenced
This
will reduce when recreational centers
are built in towns and cities to divert Change the spelling
centres
attention
of youngsters to healthy activities Add an article
the attention
such
as cycling, walking or jogging.Submitted by dede on
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Coherence & Cohesion
It's important to clearly structure your paragraphs with a topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a conclusion sentence. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is directly supported by examples or explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion should more clearly state your main argument or viewpoint. Ensure that your thesis statement and summary are evident and clearly relate to the body of your essay.
Task Achievement
Strive for a balanced discussion that addresses both parts of the question evenly. Spend equal time discussing why young people prefer shopping as a leisure activity and whether this trend is positive or negative, providing examples for both.
Task Achievement
To provide a more comprehensive response, incorporate a wider range of examples and explanations that directly support your points. Make sure every argument or statement is backed by a relevant and specific example.
General
Consider revising your essay for grammar, punctuation, and word choice to ensure clarity and coherence in your arguments. Clear and accurate expression will enhance the overall effectiveness of your essay.