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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows local catches and imports of fresh fish into Perth, Australia for the years 2004 - 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows local catches and imports of fresh fish into Perth, Australia for the years 2004 - 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The table illustrates the amount of fresh
fish
Use synonyms
 in Perth, Australia between 2004 to 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
,
local
Change the adjective
locally
show examples
 caught
fish
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 was more than imported
fish
Use synonyms
 throughout
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the years and there was an increase in
total
Add an article
the total
a total
show examples
 amount of
fish
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. The first notable point is that local catches of
fish
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased from 2004 to 2014. Looking more closely, it
was begin
Change the verb form
began
show examples
 in 2004 at 2677.7 metric
tons
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,
then
Linking Words
 constantly rose to 8136.2 metric
tons
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 in 2008.
However
Linking Words
, there was a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
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 decrease in the quantities of local
fish
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 between 2009 to 2012, but
then
Linking Words
 grew up to 5031.9 metric
tons
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 by the end of the year in 2014.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 imported
fish
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, the highest year was 2012. It was recorded at 464.5 metric
tons
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 in 2004,
then
Linking Words
 rose to a staggering 1203.7 in 2012.
Then
Linking Words
, it went down to 782.7 metric
tons
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 in 2014. The total amount of
fish
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 was 3142.2 metric
tons
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 in 2004,
then
Linking Words
 rose to 8949 in 2009. After that, it decreased to 5498.6 in 2012
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and finished at 5814.7 in 2014.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, tons with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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