IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The conventional model of face-to-face contact in daily life has begun to shift, with growing demand for using internet websites and applications like Facebook, Twitter Instagram and the like, a game-changing trend in the means of communication.
However
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,
this
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 phenomenon offers some advantages and raises some troubles. In
this
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 essay, I will explain some merits and demerits and state the benefits depend on the way
people
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 use these
media
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. Social
media
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 enable
people
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 around the world to connect with each other despite the distance and differences between them. By using these tools,
people
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 with the same interests who have never met or were not able to find each other through traditional communication methods, are provided an easy option to interact with each other.
For example
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 on Facebook, there are some communities for software engineers that by a simple search can be reachable and membership in these kinds of groups is a good contribution to your professional network. social networks can serve as an aid for fading out the barriers and borders that arise from language and cultural differences. With the advent of computer-based translation,
people
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 can easily write to each other in their own language.
For instance
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, there is a translate button at the blow of every post by clicking it you can translate it to your desired language. Despite the preceding benefits mentioned above, there are some drawbacks associated with
this
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 trending perspective. Some argue that connecting
people
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 via cyberspace is not an original and authentic way of communication for
people
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. because these
media
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 are not rich enough to transfer
people
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's real emotions.
For example
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, My parents always complain about not seeing me enough, though we almost talk and see one another every day via Google Meet. The next problem with social
media
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 is that in most cases, the posts, photos or the like do not reflect the real situation of
people
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. The posts usually contain some extent of exaggeration in themselves.
For example
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,
people
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 are not as happy as they depict it in their photos. It can bring about unfulfilled and frustration for other users of these
media
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. In conclusion, nowadays,
people
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 tend to communicate with each other via social networks.
This
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 trend is replacing the traditional model of face-to-face contact. The new approach serves as an effective means that enables
people
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 from different backgrounds and languages to connect conveniently and eliminate previous obstacles in the way of real-time communications.
On the other hand
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, It seems the new procedures are not as satisfying as the old ones.
furthermore
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, some information obtained can be misleading for many users. In the end, I must admit the usefulness totally depends on the form of exploiting these emerging tools.

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Improvement Suggestions

6
coherence cohesion

To improve your score, aim for a clear, structured approach where each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or further explanation. This will help increase the logical structure of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Ensure you have a distinct introduction and conclusion. The introduction should outline your stance or what the essay will cover, while the conclusion should summarize your points and restate your position clearly.

coherence cohesion

Use specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and also help the reader understand your viewpoint better. Consider drawing on personal experiences or observed instances that highlight your argument.

task achievement

Your response needs to more explicitly address the task question. Make sure you not only list advantages and disadvantages but also directly address whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This will help you provide a complete response.

task achievement

Strive for clarity in expressing your ideas. Break down complex thoughts into more straightforward sentences if necessary. This will help in conveying your message more effectively and ensuring the reader comprehensively understands your points.

task achievement

Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument. Your examples should clearly support the point you are making in the context of whether the advantages of social media communication outweigh the disadvantages.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital communication
  • Online communities
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Social isolation
  • Verbal and non-verbal cues
  • Virtual interactions
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Physical disconnectedness
  • Social networking platforms
  • Cyber relationships
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