Some people think a crime should always have a fixed punishment like life for murder, while others believe you should take the circumstances of the crime into account. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
A handful of people carry the opinion that having
a fixed sentences
for certain Correct the article-noun agreement
a fixed sentence
fixed sentences
offences
such
as murder is the way to go. However
, there are also
others which
opine, arguing that the nature of the Correct pronoun usage
who
offences
committed should be taken into consideration as well. In this
essay, I will delve into discussing both sides of this
coin and provide my view.
To begin
with, capital offences
which Correct subject-verb agreement
encapsulate
encapsulates
major Correct subject-verb agreement
encapsulate
offences
such
as murder and drug
trafficking should be dealt with the worst punishments available. The reason it should be done this
way so
that it sets a stern tone to the public and anyone who is harbouring any thought is committing Add a missing verb
is so
similar
act. Correct article usage
a similar
This
will not only deter any further
wrong doing
of the same kind but Correct your spelling
wrongdoing
also
reassures
everyone that the country Correct subject-verb agreement
reassure
do
not tolerate these Change the verb form
does
crimes
. For instance
, in my country, Singapore
, even the slightest trace of drugs found on anyone will be a call for prison time or worst
death penalty for Correct word choice
worse
drug
smugglers. These strict penalties have made Singapore
one of the most safe and secure countries in the world.
On the other side of the coin, it can be argued that certain situations can make even the most law abiding
citizen astray. Those who committed Add a hyphen
law-abiding
heidous
Correct your spelling
heinous
hideous
crimes
could be in a bad place at a bad time and they have no choice but to perform those acts. For instance
, a drug
mule captured recently,
was forced to deliver Remove the comma
apply
drug
packages through ingestion from London to Singapore
because his spouse was kidnapped by drug
lord in his home country in Columbia. These set off Add an article
a drug
global
call to the Add an article
a global
the global
Singapore
judicial council to reconsider the capital punishment being given to him.
In conclusion, in my opinion, all capital offences
must be dealt with by fixed capital punishments such
as life
or death penalty for the sake of public safety and Correct article usage
the life
also
acting as a part of deterrence for future crimes
. However
, I also
encourage for
all Change preposition
apply
crimes
to be thoroughly investigated as there are certainly instances where an innocent man is doing what he did not by choice but was being forced and the mastermind should be arrested and face the music instead
.Submitted by chubbybunny on
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Structure & Clarity
To enhance clarity, consider refining your essay structure. Begin with a clear introductory sentence that outlines the essay's main argument before diving into the core body paragraphs. This helps guide your reader through your points more fluidly.
Language Accuracy
It's important to carefully proofread your essay to avoid spelling and grammatical errors, such as misspelled words ('heidous' should be 'heinous') or incorrect words ('encapsulates' should be 'encompasses'). These small inaccuracies can distract from your overall argument.
Sentence Variety
Your essay would benefit from more varied sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and dynamic. Try mixing simple, compound, and complex sentences to better convey your ideas.
Balanced Argumentation
While your examples are relevant and strengthen your arguments, try to ensure that your essay discusses both views with equal depth and consideration. This balanced approach shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Use of Examples
You've done an excellent job of providing specific examples to support your points, such as mentioning Singapore's strict drug laws. This adds credibility and depth to your argument.
Opinion and Argumentation
Your essay's ability to discuss both views before stating your own opinion is commendable. Positioning your opinion clearly in the conclusion helps to reinforce your argument effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.