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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What do you think is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#forms #leisure #activity #countries #adults #reason #development
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Nowadays, teenagers in many countries have leisure activities for
children
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 that should make them relax. Because they have to face pressure from education all day; after school young
adults
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 should find an activity that makes them feel relaxed. Everyone has their own ways to make themselves feel relaxed
as well as
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 youth. In my opinion, everything has
pros
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 and cons. The
pros
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, of these activities are that they make some
children
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 feel relaxed some of them can make
money
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 from shopping Influencers in TikTok review the items that they buy to make other people interested in the same thing or need the same item and how good and bad of the product. It can make
money
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 for them and
also
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 can share the experience when they use the item accompanying the decision-making people who want to buy the product.
However
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, it can make the owner see and pay for them to review their product.
On the other hand
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, shopping has
pros
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 actually it has cons to come with.Like, some teenagers can’t manage
money
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 to balance in daily life and shopping most of them spend a lot of
money
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 to buy anything that they need without thinking about the next day.
Similarly
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, some youth are shopping because they are trendy; buy everything in trend at that time even if they don’t like it too much.
This
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 can have a negative effect on both parents and young
adults
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 because parents must earn enough
money
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 to cover expenses and it creates bad habits for
children
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also
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.​​ To deduce, everything has
pros
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 and cons depending on how young
adults
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 make
money
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. Even some
adults
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 don't understand
this
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 trend of
children
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 but, open your mind and consult and support them. Having said that some teenagers can make
money
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 and make many chances for themself if they get support from their parents will make many
pros
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 for them.
Submitted by np.napatping on

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coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher score in coherence and cohesion, consider using clear paragraphing to organize your ideas. Each paragraph should cover a single main point, making the essay more reader-friendly. For example, you can create distinct sections for the pros and cons of shopping as a leisure activity.
task achievement
While your essay provides some good examples, try to integrate more specific details or case studies to support your arguments. When discussing influencers on TikTok, for example, you could mention specific trends or individual success stories to enhance your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the main points of the task: reasons why shopping is popular among young adults and its positive and negative aspects. This demonstrates a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The essay successfully presents an introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well. This helps in providing a rounded and complete response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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