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Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What do you think is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#forms #leisure #activity #countries #adults #reason #development
adults
 in many countries. Leisure activities for children should make them relax. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 they have to face pressure from education all day; after school young
adults
 should find an activity that makes them feel relaxed. Everyone has their own ways to make themselves feel relaxed
as well as
 young
adults
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 everything has
pros
 and cons. The
pros
, of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 activities
it’s
Verb problem
are that they
show examples
 make some young
adults
feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
show examples
 some of them can make
money
 from shopping
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
influencer
Fix the agreement mistake
Influencers
show examples
 in TikTok that’s review
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
show examples
 that they buy to make other people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
interested in the same thing or need the same item how good and bad of the product. It can make
money
 for them and
also
 can share the experience when they use the item accompanying the
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 people who want to buy the product.
However
, it can make the owner see and pay for them to review their product. Albeit, shopping has
pros
 actually it has cons to come with.Like, some young
adults
 can’t manage
money
 to balance in daily life and shopping most of them spend a lot of
money
 to buy anything that they need without thinking about the next day.
Similarly
, some young
adults
 are shopping because they are trendy; buy everything in trend at that time even if they
didn’t
Wrong verb form
don’t
show examples
 like it too much.
This
 can have a negative effect on both parents and young
adults
 because parents must earn enough
money
 to cover expenses and it creates bad habits for
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
also
.​​ To deduce, everything has
pros
 and cons depending on how young
adults
 make
money
. Even some
adults
 don't understand
this
 trend of young
adults
 but, open your mind and consult and support them.
As having
Change preposition
Having
show examples
 said that some young
adults
 can make
money
 and make many chances for themself if they get support from
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 it will make many
pros
 for them.
Submitted by np.napatping on

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Vocabulary Expansion
A wonderful effort in providing a well-rounded discussion on the topic with both sides presented thoughtfully. To further enhance your essay, consider exploring a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas even more vividly.
Transitions Enhancement
Even though your essay covers the topic thoroughly, adding more comprehensive transitions between paragraphs could increase the flow and strengthen the logical connections between your ideas.
Detailing Argument
To add depth to your argument, consider incorporating more detailed examples or statistics that could provide a stronger base for your claims and make your argument more persuasive.
Task Response
The essay successfully addresses the topic, providing a balanced view on the effect of shopping as a leisure activity among young adults.
Structure
You've done an excellent job in structuring your essay, with clear paragraphs for different aspects of the discussion.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively sums up the argument, presenting a thoughtful reflection on the potential pros and cons of shopping as a leisure activity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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