Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodmaking should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the
ultra - modern
Correct your spelling
ultra-modern
show examples
epoch, it is a point of debate that
schools
are essential for
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
development.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
of folks are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour of theoretical education
such
as academic success and passing examinations
due to
its number of merits rather than focusing on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practical
skills
like food making, sewing and carpentry work. Because they have a belief that
skills
learnt from family is a better way than in the school. I totally disagree with
this
statement. The upcoming paragraphs
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
illuminate
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my arguments related to conception and will lead to a logical conclusion. To commence with the first notion, there are myriad things to be shared. The
top notch
Add a hyphen
top-notch
show examples
concrete reason is that
students
can choose their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
easily.
This
is because, when
schools
include these skill-building classes in their
curriculumn
Correct your spelling
curriculum
,
students
can not only learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practical
skills
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
their personal choices for their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
As a result
, they can easily make their decision whether they want to go with the fundamental education or academic studying. Another pivotal aspect is that all the
students
do not come from skilled worker's families.
For instance
, some student's parents come from professional
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
As a consequence
, they
cannot
Verb problem
are not
show examples
able to provide atmosphere to their children about livelihood
skills
such
as cookery, dressmaking and
wood working
Correct your spelling
woodworking
show examples
at home. So, it is beneficial to teach social
skills
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
all the
students
, who come from
educational
Correct word choice
different educational
show examples
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
families.
To conclude
,
schools
should focus on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fundamental education as it provides opportunities to learn practical techniques
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
, who do not come from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
skilled
worker's
Change noun form
workers'
show examples
families and it is
also
beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
, who
confuse
Wrong verb form
are confused
show examples
to choose
Change preposition
about choosing
show examples
their career as they can
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
these
skills
in their early stage of life.
Submitted by prk29895 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that all paragraphs are well-developed and thoroughly elaborate on your main points. Your essay does this effectively, presenting clear points supported by relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
A wider range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures can further enhance the sophistication of your essay. While your current usage is commendable, always aim for diversity in expression.
General
Proofreading your essay to catch any overlooked errors, such as minor spelling or grammatical mistakes, can ensure your writing remains polished.
Task Achievement
The essay presents clear arguments against the statement, effectively addressing the prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a coherent structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids in delivering your message effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
You provide relevant examples and explanations to support your points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Holistic education
  • Well-rounded education
  • Practical life skills
  • Foster creativity
  • Problem-solving abilities
  • Socio-economic gaps
  • Stress relief
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Educational readiness
  • Career readiness
  • Job market
  • Versatile
  • Engagement
  • Motivation
  • Cultural development
  • Personal growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: