Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodmaking should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the
ultra - modern
epoch, it is a point of debate that Correct your spelling
ultra-modern
schools
are essential for child's
development. Correct article usage
a child's
Majority
of folks are in Correct article usage
The majority
the
favour of theoretical education Correct article usage
apply
such
as academic success and passing examinations due to
its number of merits rather than focusing on the
practical Correct article usage
apply
skills
like food making, sewing and carpentry work. Because they have a belief that skills
learnt from family is a better way than in the school. I totally disagree with this
statement. The upcoming paragraphs would
illuminate Wrong verb form
will
on
my arguments related to conception and will lead to a logical conclusion.
To commence with the first notion, there are myriad things to be shared. The Change preposition
apply
top notch
concrete reason is that Add a hyphen
top-notch
students
can choose their career
easily. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
This
is because, when schools
include these skill-building classes in their curriculumn
, Correct your spelling
curriculum
students
can not only learn the
practical Correct article usage
apply
skills
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
aware about
their personal choices for their Change preposition
of
career
. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
As a result
, they can easily make their decision whether they want to go with the fundamental education or academic studying.
Another pivotal aspect is that all the students
do not come from skilled worker's families. For instance
, some student's parents come from professional area
. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
As a consequence
, they cannot
able to provide atmosphere to their children about livelihood Verb problem
are not
skills
such
as cookery, dressmaking and wood working
at home. So, it is beneficial to teach social Correct your spelling
woodworking
skills
in the
Correct article usage
apply
schools
for
all the Change preposition
to
students
, who come from educational
Correct word choice
different educational
background
families.
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
To conclude
, schools
should focus on the
fundamental education as it provides opportunities to learn practical techniques Correct article usage
apply
to
Change preposition
for
the
Correct article usage
apply
students
, who do not come from the
skilled Correct article usage
apply
worker's
families and it is Change noun form
workers'
also
beneficial for the
Correct article usage
apply
students
, who confuse
Wrong verb form
are confused
to choose
their career as they can Change preposition
about choosing
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
about
these Change preposition
of
skills
in their early stage of life.Submitted by prk29895 on
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Task Achievement
Ensure that all paragraphs are well-developed and thoroughly elaborate on your main points. Your essay does this effectively, presenting clear points supported by relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
A wider range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures can further enhance the sophistication of your essay. While your current usage is commendable, always aim for diversity in expression.
General
Proofreading your essay to catch any overlooked errors, such as minor spelling or grammatical mistakes, can ensure your writing remains polished.
Task Achievement
The essay presents clear arguments against the statement, effectively addressing the prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a coherent structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids in delivering your message effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
You provide relevant examples and explanations to support your points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
