Some people think that social connections are more useful than knowledge in achieving success because it’s not what you know but who you know that counts.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Social circles are widely believed to be a more rewarding experience than attaining accomplishment, because of the sorts of people one knows. From my perspective, I partly align with
this
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point of view
due to
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the following reasons. On one hand, it is reasonable to attach
such
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importance to social connections, as they can have an impact on
individual's
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an individual's
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life itself. Meeting
right
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the right
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type of person offers us an opportunity to change
better
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the better
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,
such
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as our behaviour, outlook, and position.
For example
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, being close to an intellectual may help
individual
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an individual
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to understand the issues thoroughly, making deduction thrive,
while
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knowing the high-ups can be the tool of the trade, promoting the power in the workplace.
However
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, knowledge coming from success is as universally important as relationships. It covers a range of fields, including not only appropriate treatment towards people but
also
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information about a specific career. The more knowledgeable you are, the more benefits you get, attributing to the fact that high
life-quality
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life quality
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requires understanding to solve
everydaylife
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everyday life
issues .
Furthermore
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, people cannot just rely on who they know. Some may be helpful and willing to support you, but their assistance will not accompany
with
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apply
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you forever.
Therefore
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, knowledge stands a good chance of being the tool of all trade, aiding in fostering self-reliance and handling challenges. All things considered, rather than social relationships, I put a great store by comprehension and mastery in usefulness, as they promote independence, alongside
aveiling
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availing
unveiling
revealing
oneself to flourish.
Submitted by caivankihh779 on

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task achievement
Consider integrating more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. This could strengthen the persuasive power of your arguments and score higher in the task achievement criterion.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction, more clearly state the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the prompt. This will make the position you're arguing from more apparent.
coherence cohesion
Improve the consistency in paragraph transitions to ensure that each paragraph logically follows the other. Use linking words or phrases to aid the flow.
task achievement
The essay effectively balances both sides of the argument, acknowledging the importance of social connections while emphasizing the value of knowledge.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear logical structure in the essay, with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Engages critically with the topic by considering multiple perspectives, which enriches the discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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