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Band 7

The traffic and housing problems can be solved by moving the big industries, companies, factories and the employees from the major cities to the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#traffic #industries #companies #factories #employees #cities #countryside
Relocating urban big businesses and their components to rural ones can solve the traffic and housing problems. I totally disagree with
this
 idea.
First,
moving things from one to another location will unnecessarily waste a huge amount of time,
as well as
 money, not only for industries or companies but
also
 its tangible materials like factories and staff.
For instance
,
according to
 a recent study from the Faculty of Economics, at Harvard University, 80 of the U.S. industries will willingly call off when it comes to relocation
due to
 the moving expenditure.
Additionally
,
although
 it is true that a huge number of the population needs to commute to work in cities which leads to a congested city, the congestion issues do not come from the production side alone. The poor public transportation is one of the factors that affect the traffic. Moving all the productions out of town doesn't seem to be the efficient way to solve
such
 a problem
while
 the commuting system stays poor.
Instead
 of moving them, the company itself should expand its branches to provide the service locally and individually in each area. Doing so will not only save the possible relocation costs but
also
 reduce the risks of damaging any supplies during the relocation,
as well as
 open the businesses to more opportunities to gain profits.
Moreover
, developing online technology can help solve the issue because the customers don't need to commute to the centre of the city,
this
 will,
thus
, reduce the huge number of crowds congested in town. To illustrate
this
, a survey recently conducted by the New York Times revealed that two-thirds of American citizens can stop taking trains to work during the work-from-home period when they can do their jobs online.
To conclude
, moving big businesses and their components in cities out of town cannot solve the traffic and housing problems.
Instead
, the business itself should expand its branches
as well as
 develop online tech.
Submitted by amittawin on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph elaborately connects the points with clear transitional phrases, helping the reader follow the progression of ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Ensure every argument is supported with detailed examples or evidence, where applicable, for greater depth.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a strong framework for the essay.
task achievement
The essay stays on topic and addresses the task effectively, providing a clear stance and maintaining focus throughout.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, like the study from Harvard, which enhance the arguments presented.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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