2.Some high school leavers tent to travel or work while before going to university directly. What do you think are the advantages more than disadvantages?
As the world keeps developing, youngsters, nowadays, adopt numerous ways of skills, after finishing high school program some of them have a tendency toward travelling and working before enrolling in a university program. Personally, I believe that having living experiences first can benefit leavers in some equal measures but
also
have several drawbacks.
To begin
with, this
bias partly damages the adolescents' study process. Firstly
, as the stresses and difficulties from the workplace can negatively affect the youngsters' mentality, besides
, gaining experience, they also
approach financial problems
which are the fundamental conditions of living, thus
, their mentality might deteriorate. A student, for instance
, when he or she has no experience and encounters an aggressive complaint from customers, can lead to a spiritual shock. Secondly
, visiting places while
not having enough knowledge about the world may lead them to scam or bully even worse. India, for example
, is a dangerous country where kidnaps and robberies are likely to be occurred
, Change to the active voice
occur
have occurred
once
they accidentally travel to Correct word choice
and once
this
country may cause severe problems
for them.
On the other hand
, travelling and working can benefit them in many manners. To start with, youngsters can gain more realistic experiences. To cite an example, An American adolescent, when they travel to Viet Nam or Thai Land, could experience how a democratic government works in Viet Nam else they can find unique ways of cooking street food in Thai Land. In Addition
, working allows them to enhance and improve their mentality in some measures. As they have undergone problems
in the workplace such
as:
complaints from customers or bosses, Remove the comma
apply
this
could shed light on controlling their emotions and facing problems
.
To sum up
, I acknowledge that, in some measures, people might find travelling and working before enrolling in university could be a drawback. But in my opinion, this
idea is completely flawless.Submitted by uy322415 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Structure
You structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that aligned with your points, and a conclusion. Keep maintaining this structure in future essays for clarity of argument.
Examples
Your use of examples to support your points is commendable. Continue to provide specific examples whenever possible as they greatly strengthen your arguments.
Language Use
Work on enhancing your essay with varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enrich readability and engage your readers more effectively.
Grammar
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and work on your accuracy with language use. These small refinements will polish your writing further.
Proofreading
You might want to proofread your essay to correct minor typos and ensure coherence in your ideas and sentence structure.
Structure
Excellent essay structure, with a strong introduction, well-supported body paragraphs, and a clear conclusion.
Use of Examples
Effective use of examples to support your points, providing clarity and depth to your arguments.
Balanced Argument
Your discussion provides a comprehensive overview of both advantages and disadvantages, demonstrating a balanced view.