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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Scientists have been warning for many years about protecting the environment and that we should limit the use of energy in our daily lives. Despite these warnings, many people do not do this. What are the reasons for that and how people can be encouraged to take an interest in protecting the environment?

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Despite the fact that scientists have been warning that we should decrease the use of
energy
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 in our daily
lives
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 to protect the
environment
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, some
people
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 do not pay attention.
This
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 essay discusses the reasons and suggests some approaches for encouraging those
people
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. Some
people
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 do not limit the use of
energy
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 in their daily
lives
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 for several reasons.
Firstly
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, they are not aware of the impacts of their actions. I mean they do not know the
energy
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 sources in the world are limited.
Secondly
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, they do not know how to protect our mother of nature and how to decrease the consumption of
energy
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 in their daily
lives
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.
For instance
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, they could put on warmer clothes at home during cold seasons,
instead
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 of increasing the heater, or they should turn off the light that they do not use. There are several methods that could encourage
people
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 to take action to protect the
environment
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.
First,
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they need to learn about the impacts of their actions,
then
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 they should learn how to do it. I believe that governments should invest some money in making innovative programs to teach
people
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 that information.
For example
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, nowadays, there are some media which everyone uses in their daily
lives
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 like Instagram. The investment should be spent on making interesting videos about protecting the
environment
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 and sharing them on
such
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 media.
On the other hand
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, I believe the early years of our
lives
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 are the best age for making good habits and learning about methods of preserving the
environment
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.
For instance
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, parents, schools, and kindergartens are able to teach early years children the right way of using
energy
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. In conclusion, governments are responsible for informing
people
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 about decreasing the consumption of
energy
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 in their daily
lives
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, with innovative and influential approaches like making interesting videos and sharing them on Instagram.
Additionally
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, as the early years of our
lives
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 are the best age for learning, parents, schools, and kindergartens can take steps and teach them the right way of using
energy
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.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, consider organizing the paragraph that discusses reasons in a more structured way by separating each reason into distinct sentences or using bullet points. This technique can help in making the points clearer and more digestible.
task achievement
To improve engagement and persuasiveness, consider including more specific examples or real-world scenarios that illustrate the impact of individual energy consumption on the environment. This can help reinforce the importance of the suggested actions.
task achievement
Strengthen the conclusion by succinctly summarizing the main reasons and solutions discussed in your essay. This will ensure that your key points are clearly highlighted and the overall response is well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and providing a strong start and finish to the argument.
task achievement
Ideas are comprehensive and cover the task requirements adequately, addressing both reasons and solutions for the topic in question.
task achievement
The use of examples, like practical energy-saving tips and leveraging social media for awareness, adds relevance to your solutions, enhancing the reader's understanding.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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