IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The migration of people to cities is one of the biggest problems facing the world's cities today. Discuss the main causes. What solutions could be used to tackle the situation?

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Cities
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 globally faced challenges because a large
number
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 of
people
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 moved to the
cities
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. The main reason could be the lack of jobs in the
countryside
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. To tackle
this
Linking Words
problem
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 the government should distribute the factories in the
countryside
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. Recently, the Migration of individuals to the
cities
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 has created problems across the world. It means the growing population in the
cities
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 provides the
cities
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 with different challenges.
furthermore
Linking Words
, as much as
people
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 become more in the city’s privet cars will become a lot.
For example
Linking Words
, traffic jumps are one of the reasons for crowds.
Moreover
Linking Words
, moving a large
number
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 of
people
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 to the
cities
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 provides
cities
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 with a lack of residential areas.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Melbourne City which is the host of a huge
number
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 of international students and tourists,
people
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 face in challenge of accommodation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, moving the population to the
cities
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 is a big concern.
However
Linking Words
, the growing population in the
cities
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 is a big challenge. How to solve
this
Linking Words
problem
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 is an arguable point. The way how to tackle
this
Linking Words
problem
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 needs to refer back to the root of
this
Linking Words
 challenge which is jobseekers.
For example
Linking Words
, the establishment of factories and supermarkets in the
cities
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 attracts a large
number
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 of jobless
people
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 from the
countryside
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. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 subject government should policy which
accordingly
Linking Words
 industries distributed to the
countryside
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 to keep
people
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 too far from
cities
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, moving
people
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 to the
cities
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 is a
problem
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 across the world. because the individuals in the
countryside
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 need jobs they have to live where can access duties.
Therefore
Linking Words
, how to solve the
problem
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 government should separate industries in the
countryside
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.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear argument structure which is commendable. However, consider using a broader range of linking words to enhance cohesion further.
coherence cohesion
Try to incorporate a variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range and accuracy.
task achievement
Providing more specific examples and elaborating on them will enhance your task achievement score. It helps to substantiate your arguments and makes your essay more informative.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious of small grammatical errors and maintain consistency in verb tenses to improve clarity and cohesion.
task achievement
You could improve by ensuring that your introduction and conclusion are more impactful. Begin with a stronger statement and conclude by summarizing your main points and reiterating your position.
task achievement
You successfully addressed the topic and provided relevant arguments.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is clear, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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