The number of people who are overweight or obese is far higher than in previous generations. What are the reasons for this, and how can the problem be tackled?

Recently, some health problems
occur
Wrong verb form
have occurred
show examples
more often among the citizens. One of these problems,
that is
being highlighted to be rising significantly more than ever, is overweight, or even obesity.
This
phenomenon happens for some reason and concrete measures need to be taken.
To begin
with, the rapid growth in the number of overweight and obese happens for a reason. One of the key factors is coming from people’s lifestyles, including eating and exercising. In terms of
food
consumption, the rise of fast
food
, junk
food
, and soda contributes to most of the cases. It is because
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
of
food
and beverages contains
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
level of fat and sugar which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to obesity. Meanwhile, a lot of people do not have time to go to the gym as they spend more than half of their day
to work
Change the verb form
working
show examples
and
commute
Wrong verb form
commuting
show examples
. Regarding
this
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
, some efforts need to be taken by both the governments and individuals.
Firstly
, it is essential for the governments to make a limitation in fat and sugar ingredients for
food
companies and restaurant chains.
For example
, it is mandatory for companies that produce cola to lower its sugar amount. In terms of individuals, it is crucial to have a healthy lifestyle.
For example
, people can start to take public transportation and walk to their workplaces.
Thus
, they can burn their calories without providing a certain schedule to exercise. In summary, the significant rise in the number of overweight and obese
patient
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patients
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is caused mainly by
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
lifestyle.
This
way of life includes their worse eating habit and poor exercise. In order to tackle that,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
need to take action by regulating
food
companies. For
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
, it is essential to improve their style of living.
Submitted by serlyayus on

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Task Achievement
Continue to provide clear and relevant examples to support your main points as you did effectively throughout your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Maintain the logical structure of your arguments. Starting with issues, followed by reasons, and concluding with solutions provides a coherent flow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Keep including clear introductions and conclusions. They effectively frame your essay and help readers understand the main focus and takeaway.
Task Achievement
Effective use of examples to support main points, such as citing the impact of fast food and sugary drinks on obesity, and suggesting practical solutions like government regulations and individual lifestyle changes.
Coherence & Cohesion
Maintaining a clear, logical flow of ideas throughout the essay, making it easy for readers to follow your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Successfully framing the essay with a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively orienting the reader to the topic and summarizing the key points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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