IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People in the current generations are not fit and active. What are the problems. What can be done to encourage people to participate in sports activities.

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In
this
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 modern era, young
adults
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 are not physically fit and active to do various tasks.
This
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 essay will explain
problems
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such
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 as excessive use of technology and laziness.
Along with
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 some solutions to take part in different
sports
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 events.
To begin
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 with, nowadays the majority of the youth want to spend their valuable time on gadgets. To explain, teenagers are connected with their friends using social media and spending hours chatting with them,
due to
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 that they are not giving equal importance to fitness and eventually they are not capable of doing even day-to-day tasks.
For Instance
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, a study published by The University of Florida indicates that 77% of high school and university students are not physically fit and active enough to solve small
problems
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 in their lives. To mitigate it, governments or schools should organize training and fitness camps and they should give certificates after successfully completing the course. Another problem caused by
this
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 issue, Is that
adults
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 are very lazy and do not want to do their study of work. To elaborate, adolescent are very lazy towards their study
as well as
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 for their daily task.
Moreover
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, they like to spend time sleeping and eating junk food which can be very harmful to them in the future.
For example
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, the Indian government issued one publication and that data shows 58% of Indian students below 20 years of age are lazy and do not want to do their day-to-day tasks. To cope with
this
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, parents need to push their children to participate in various
sports
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 activities by providing the necessary equipment and tools.
To conclude
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, using technological gadgets for longer periods of time and laziness in
adults
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 are major
problems
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. To solve
this
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 encourage
adults
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 to take part in
sports
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 competitions by giving them certificates after completing
as well as
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 providing required accessories to them.People in the current
generations
Fix the agreement mistake
generation
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 are not fit and active. What are the
problems
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.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 What can be done to encourage people to participate in
sports
Use synonyms
 activities
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples

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task response
The essay addresses the topic well, explaining the problems related to lack of fitness in the current generation and suggesting solutions. However, to improve, it can benefit from more specific and varied examples. Broadening the scope of solutions beyond just government and parental involvement could also strengthen the response.
coherence and cohesion
While the structure of the essay is mostly clear, the flow can be enhanced by improving transitions between ideas and ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main point. For instance, avoid repetitive phrases and ensure a natural progression of ideas from one sentence to the next.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that succinctly summarize the main points, which helps in achieving clarity and a sense of completeness.
task response
The essay uses relevant examples to support its points, which strengthens the arguments made and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
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