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Writing Samples
Band 6

It was predicted that with the development of technology, people in the 21st century would have much more free time than past. To what extent has this prediction come true?

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It is sometimes argued that
due to
 the advancements in
technology
,individuals will have more leisure
time
 compared to
20th
Correct article usage
the 20th
show examples
 century.I partly agree with the statement for some reasons outlined below. On the one hand, we have every reason to believe that
technology
 would bring a variety of good points to our lives.The key rationale behind
this
 is that the internet and digital communication tools can do people a favour to spend
time
 by improving information exchange and communication.
Therefore
,tasks
such
 as online meetings and document sharing become faster and more convenient.
In addition
,working remotely can help worker save commuting
time
,which can allow them to have more free
time
 for themselves and their families.With the developments of robots and smart software,housework and office work will be automated,which can create quality
time
 to unwind and recharge their energy.
On the other hand
,I believe that technological advancements still have some obstacles to our lives.
Firstly
,machines have been replacing humans in many areas,which can spark intense competition in the labour market
as well as
 a reduction in the number of available jobs.
Secondly
,
technology
 can cause distraction and lack of focus .
Thus
, using social networks too much can affect negatively mental health and reduce the quality of square
time
,when users always have to check messages and respond immediately. From what has been discussed above,we may draw the conclusion,that despite the fact that
technology
 would offer a wide range of merits,
this
 still has several shortcomings,which are needed to clear up.
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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction provides a clear stance, but it could be made stronger by more explicitly highlighting the two sides of the argument you’ll discuss. Also, ensure to proofread for minor errors in punctuation and spacing.
relevant specific examples
While the essay presents clear and logical arguments, there are instances where ideas could be expanded with more specific examples. Providing concrete examples or studies could strengthen your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sophisticated language structures. This can help to enhance the essay and achieve a higher score for lexical resource.
logical structure
The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, acknowledging both the positive and negative impacts of technology on free time.
coherence
There is a logical flow between paragraphs, with clear transitions that help guide the reader through your arguments.
supported main points
You effectively discuss how advancements like the internet, digital communication tools, and automation have influenced people’s leisure time.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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