IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To wht extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax #wht
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The number of the general public suffering from health issues is increasing in several countries because of the consumption of
an excessive amounts
Correct the article-noun agreement
excessive amounts
an excessive amount
show examples
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
. It is argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a high
tax
Use synonyms
 should be imposed on these types of foods by the government. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint because imposing higher
taxes
Use synonyms
 will increase the expense of these
food
Use synonyms
 items and discourage
people
Use synonyms
 from
buying
Correct pronoun usage
buying them
show examples
. Implementing higher
taxes
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
 will lead to an increase in the cost of fast
food
Use synonyms
 because if the companies have to pay a significant
amount
Use synonyms
 of
tax
Use synonyms
 in the fast
food
Use synonyms
business
Use synonyms
 the price of these foods will continue to rise. The continual rise in the cost of fast
food
Use synonyms
 will result in less
amount
Use synonyms
 of buying fat
food
Use synonyms
 by the public and if
people
Use synonyms
 consume less
amount
Use synonyms
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
 they will not suffer from diseases caused by fast
food
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in the UK, imposing a high
tax
Use synonyms
 has reduced the
amount
Use synonyms
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
 by the general
people
Use synonyms
 which led to an improvement in public health.
In addition
Linking Words
, implementing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
taxes
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
 will decrease the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 taking the fast
food
Use synonyms
business
Use synonyms
 as a profession.
This
Linking Words
 is because if
people
Use synonyms
 have to pay a lot of
tax
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
business
Use synonyms
 they definitely will not be encouraged to run a fast
food
Use synonyms
business
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, running a fast
food
Use synonyms
business
Use synonyms
 in India is very expensive because of high
taxes
Use synonyms
 and a good number of fast
food
Use synonyms
 shops
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been closed recently.
Therefore
Linking Words
, increasement of
taxes
Use synonyms
 can help to reduce the profit of fast
food
Use synonyms
 shops and
people
Use synonyms
 might change their professions.
To conclude
Linking Words
, depending upon fast
food
Use synonyms
 as a source of meals can be effectively controlled by the government if high
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 can be imposed. It will reduce the consumption
as well as
Linking Words
 opening the new outlet of fast
food
Use synonyms
 shops.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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Grammar/Spelling
Remember to proofread your essay to catch and correct minor grammatical errors and typos.
Argument Development
To enrich your argument, consider contrasting your main points with a counter-argument and then refuting it. This can make your essay more persuasive and nuanced.
Language Use
Try varying your sentence structures more to showcase a wider range of grammatical complexity. This keeps the reader engaged and demonstrates your language flexibility.
Task Response
You've done a fantastic job of establishing a clear position in response to the essay prompt, demonstrating complete agreement with the given viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with a logical structure that effectively guides the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as those from the UK and India, significantly strengthens your argument by providing clear support for your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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