IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Climate change is an urgent issue and it is believed that the utilization of fossil fuels should be stopped and alternative energy resources should be used instead. It is however believed that oil, gas, and coal are indispensable. What is your opinion? Support your point of view with relevant example

#climate #change #utilization #fuels #alternative #energy #resources #oil #gas #support #point
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent times, abrupt changes in weather conditions have posed a severe threat to our ecosystem. It is argued we should adapt to utilisation of the renewable
energy
resources
, and stop the consumption of fossil fuels
whereas
 it is believed that
such
 gases are required for our survival. In my opinion, adapting to natural
resources
such
 as wind and solar could help us to mitigate the negative effects of global warming. To commence with, natural
sources
 of
energy
 are environmentally friendly.
For instance
, it has been reported that 75% of air pollution is caused
due to
 the release of greenhouse gases which are omitted from the over-utilisation of non-reusable
sources
. So, natural
energy
resources
 do not pose any threats to our environment by omitting any kind of toxic fumes so, they can be consumed as an alternative to the fossil fuels
such
 as oil, gas, and coal.
As a result
, we can make our environment pollution free which can lead to fewer diseases among the masses.
Secondly
, alternative
sources
 of
energy
 are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the future of the world. The availability of fossil fuels
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not enough to meet the future demands of the world
whereas
 substitute power
sources
 can be used as long as we want because these power
resources
 are natural
such
 as solar
energy
, and wind
energy
. Consuming
such
resources
 of
energy
;
therefore
, could reduce the negative effects of non-renewable
energy
sources
such
 as rising sea temperature, adverse impact of greenhouse gases, and avoid natural disasters. In conclusion, I still believe that for a clean environment, and avoid natural calamities masses should start utilising substitute power
sources
 as they are eco-friendly
as well as
 prominent
sources
 of
energy
 in the near future.
Submitted by deep4u4all1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay presents a clear stance and provides relevant arguments and examples, the example used to support the environmental benefits of renewable energy could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the argument further.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs, enhancing the logical flow of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the issue and presents the writer's stance effectively, setting a clear direction for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer's position, providing a strong end to the essay.
logical structure
The paragraphs are well-organized, each addressing a distinct aspect of the argument, contributing to a logical structure.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: