In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Before, students
prefer
Wrong verb form
preferred
show examples
studying in our country to overseas. Today,
however
, more and more people go to other nations
for pursuing
Change preposition
to pursue
show examples
their diplomas. I will discuss both merits and demerits of
this
topic in the following paragraphs. On one hand, western countries
such
as the United States, the United Kingdom, Canada, and so on are much more advanced than my homeland.
As a result
, pupils are interested in that because they want to learn new technologies, knowledge, theories, and the like. The universities that are considered the best are usually located in those places. I believe it will be better if you go there to learn, and if you have a good
job
there, it will be nice, because the wages in those countries are extremely higher than in Taiwan.
On the other hand
, tuition fees are always high in those countries. If they come home for their careers, they probably can not pay back their student loans.
For example
, I used to work as a business analyst at Taipei Fubon Bank. I had co-workers who graduated from
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
of Wisconsin–Madison,
University
Correct article usage
the University
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of Illinois Urbana-Champaign,
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
of North Carolina at Chapel Hill,
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
of California, Los Angeles, etc. I do not think my
job
's salary was good enough to pay for loans. In Taiwan, people who studied in other nations may not find a great
job
, because most companies pay less.
Furthermore
, it is a big challenge if students want to find a
job
in the places they studied in. Either way, they have to face the difficulties of seeking jobs. In a nutshell, I only studied at the nearest
university
, and I have worked with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
colleagues who have elite
universities'
Fix the agreement mistake
university'
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degrees.
Therefore
, I do not think going abroad for education is a good decision. They not only have to give money for tuition fees but
also
have to spend money on the cost of living. The money will be a huge burden for youngsters if they choose to do that.
Submitted by edward300225 on

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balance
To enhance your essay, consider delving deeper into the advantages of studying abroad, balancing the discussion. While your essay wonderfully outlines the disadvantages, giving equal weight to both sides can enrich your argument.
language
Incorporate a wider variety of linking phrases and transitional expressions. This will not only improve the flow of your essay but also showcase a higher level of English proficiency.
structure
Your essay provides a clear structure, with well-defined paragraphs for each of the main points.
introduction/conclusion
You've successfully introduced and concluded your essay, making your stance clear. This is crucial for coherence and achieving a high score in IELTS writing.
examples
The use of specific examples from your personal experience, such as mentioning your co-workers' experiences, greatly strengthens your arguments.

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