In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

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Introduction

Before, students

prefer

Wrong verb form

preferred

show examples

studying in our country to overseas. Today,

however

Linking Words

, more and more people go to other nations

for pursuing

Change preposition

to pursue

show examples

their diplomas. I will discuss both merits and demerits of

this

Linking Words

topic in the following paragraphs.

Body paragraph 1

On one hand, western countries

such

Linking Words

as the United States, the United Kingdom, Canada, and so on are much more advanced than my homeland.

As a result

Linking Words

, pupils are interested in that because they want to learn new technologies, knowledge, theories, and the like. The universities that are considered the best are usually located in those places. I believe it will be better if you go there to learn, and if you have a good

job

Use synonyms

there, it will be nice, because the wages in those countries are extremely higher than in Taiwan.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

Linking Words

, tuition fees are always high in those countries. If they come home for their careers, they probably can not pay back their student loans.

For example

Linking Words

, I used to work as a business analyst at Taipei Fubon Bank. I had co-workers who graduated from

Use synonyms

University

Correct article usage

the University

show examples

of Wisconsin–Madison,

Use synonyms

University

Correct article usage

the University

show examples

of Illinois Urbana-Champaign,

Use synonyms

University

Correct article usage

the University

show examples

of North Carolina at Chapel Hill,

Use synonyms

University

Correct article usage

the University

show examples

of California, Los Angeles, etc. I do not think my

job

Use synonyms

's salary was good enough to pay for loans. In Taiwan, people who studied in other nations may not find a great

job

Use synonyms

, because most companies pay less.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, it is a big challenge if students want to find a

job

Use synonyms

in the places they studied in. Either way, they have to face the difficulties of seeking jobs.

Conclusion

In a nutshell, I only studied at the nearest

university

Use synonyms

, and I have worked with

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

colleagues who have elite

universities'

Fix the agreement mistake

university'

show examples

degrees.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I do not think going abroad for education is a good decision. They not only have to give money for tuition fees but

also

Linking Words

have to spend money on the cost of living. The money will be a huge burden for youngsters if they choose to do that.

edward300225

Mar 29, 2024

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balance

To enhance your essay, consider delving deeper into the advantages of studying abroad, balancing the discussion. While your essay wonderfully outlines the disadvantages, giving equal weight to both sides can enrich your argument.

language

Incorporate a wider variety of linking phrases and transitional expressions. This will not only improve the flow of your essay but also showcase a higher level of English proficiency.

structure

Your essay provides a clear structure, with well-defined paragraphs for each of the main points.

introduction/conclusion

You've successfully introduced and concluded your essay, making your stance clear. This is crucial for coherence and achieving a high score in IELTS writing.

examples

The use of specific examples from your personal experience, such as mentioning your co-workers' experiences, greatly strengthens your arguments.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

332 words

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