IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

More and more people want to buy famous brands in clothes cars and other items . What are the reasons behind this trend? Do you think it is a positive or negative development

#people #brands #clothes #cars #items #trend #development
In
this
 era of the modern world, society used to buy more expensive clothes,cars and many different items. There are many positive trends of
this
 growth and negative ones too. I personally believe that it is a positive trend.
Further
, I will discuss some points on the positive trend of
this
 development.
due to
 improvements in the economy of the countries, society is getting more jobs in various sectors
likewise
, in the car factories and chipset factories
as a result
 workers earn handsome amounts of money. They can afford high-priced things.
For instance
, the public's needs are changing so they need expensive cell phones, costly clothing, high price cars. It will help both the nation's economy and the community demand their safety. Advanced and safety guns are easily available in the market consumers are buying for their safety. more and more public buy products more jobs will be created and more creative things will be invented.
For example
, various industries have a lot of cash so they will invest in different fields for the betterment of the public.
Moreover
, it will affect the community's appearance. Girls look beautiful in expensive clothing
this
 will change their look completely. Property is getting expensive houses with comfortable and safe houses
this
 growth will help society to live happy and safe lives.
overall
, the more the public buys the goods more companies earn a good amount of money which will directly affect the growth of a nation. Safe things
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 always costly so communities are getting used to it.
Submitted by narinder9959 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Tone and Formality
Remember to maintain a formal tone throughout the essay. Phrases like 'safe things is always costly' could be rephrased to 'Safety measures, although often expensive, are worth the investment for the community's well-being.'
Paragraph Structure
Try to ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This will help your reader understand the structure of your essay more easily.
Linking
Consider using a wider variety of transitions and linking phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This could include comparative phrases, cause-and-effect links, and more explicit introductions to examples.
Supporting Evidence
Although providing personal viewpoints enriches your essay, backing up your arguments with more diverse examples or data could strengthen your position. Consider incorporating statistics, studies, or broader societal observations.
Grammar
Keep an eye on subject-verb agreement and pluralization for a more polished grammatical structure. For instance, 'property is getting expensive houses with comfortable and safe houses' could be revised to 'Properties are becoming more expensive, pushing for homes that are comfortable and safe.'
Response to Task
The essay successfully covers the topic and provides both sides of the argument, showing a good understanding of the task.
Personal Stance
You've presented a clear personal stance on the issue, which helps to make your essay more engaging and convincing.
Use of Examples
Some effective examples are used to illustrate your points, which is great for supporting your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social Status
  • Proliferation
  • Globalization
  • Targeted Advertising
  • Perceived Value
  • Desirability
  • Reliability
  • Peer Pressure
  • Consumer Satisfaction
  • Innovation
  • Competition
  • Excessive Consumerism
  • Social Classes
  • Detract
  • Appreciation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: