Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people

It is highly assumed that

health

issues are followed by consuming processed

food

and drinks which are high

Correct your spelling

show examples

sugar. Some are of the opinion that making sugary

food

pricier, probably would prevent people from buying them. Personally, I side with

this

view for a number of reasons. Sugary

products

can put our

health

at risk of various diseases. To commence with, sugar may cause serious

health

issues,

such

as heart disease, obesity, and diabetes. To clarify, it is common knowledge that you are what you eat. If one consumes sugary

products

excessively, one will

initially

confront obesity.

This

can eventually lead to other disease, including diabetes.

Consequently

, the government has to take

this

into account and take measures to improve the manufacturing of healthy

food

Furthermore

, imposing a tax or making sugary

food

pricier may deter people from buying

such

products

That is

to say, if a government puts higher prices on sugary raw materials, it can make the consumers reluctant to pay a small fortune for those.

Hence

, the manufacturer will not purchase sugary raw materials in order to produce

such

products

due to

less demand. To summarize, owing to the aforementioned reasons, I am totally convinced that we can avoid

health

problems by consuming

food

and drinks that are low in sugar.

Moreover

, levying a tax is one of the methods that can lead us to

this

goal.

Submitted by aradzandieh.dvm on Fri Jun 14 2024

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task achievement

Your essay responds well to the prompt and presents a clear opinion. However, to achieve a higher score, you could include more developed and specific examples to illustrate your points. This would strengthen your argument and provide clearer support for your views.

coherence cohesion

Your main ideas are clear and logically structured. Consider varying your sentence structures and using more linking words to enhance the flow of your essay. This will improve the overall coherence and cohesion.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help in framing your argument effectively.

task achievement

The essay addresses the question directly and maintains a consistent stance throughout.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

231 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

health problems
manufactured food and drink products
sugary products
excessive sugar consumption
discourage
promote
healthier choices
reduce
increased taxes
fund
health education
prevention programs

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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Word Count

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that the goverment is responsible for crime prevention. Others think that it is individuals responsibility to pretocet themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some feel that cities should be designed to be beautiful, while others feel their functionality is more important. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?