IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university educatiom and the governments should make it free for all students no metter what financial background have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that individuals believe governments must make studying free.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
people
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 should have the right to join
university
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education
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 and that the government should make it free for
students
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, especially those from poor families, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I do not agree with
this
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 statement.
To begin
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 with, there should be equal chances for all
students
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 to join
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university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 and start studying.
In other words
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, it is more beneficial for the country, as it will help
people
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 become academics and enjoy their lives.
Furthermore
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, most
people
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 will get a job and support their families.
For example
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, their monthly income will increase year by year, and the percentage of poverty in the world will decrease. Another point to consider is that increasing the government’s cost of
education
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 is a risk for the country. It is
also
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 possible to say that some
students
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 may not appreciate learning at
university
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.
In addition
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, having too many
people
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 in class may reduce focus and the quality of
education
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 among
students
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, which is not advantageous.
For instance
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, the government could provide grants for poor families
instead
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 of free
education
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, but
students
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 must meet
university
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 requirements. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views, I believe that
university
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 is crucial for each student, and they must work hard to join.
However
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, they may face difficulties in
university
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 and experience harmful relationships with friends.
Moreover
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, it will help the country in terms of the economy and health.

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task response
Your introduction states your opinion clearly, but it's a bit vague. Try to be more specific in what you believe and how you will support that. Instead of just saying you disagree, add reasons right away.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas better. Use more transition words like 'firstly', 'next', or 'in conclusion' to connect your points and make your essay flow smoothly.
task response
Some points need more support with examples. For instance, when you mention that free education could cause a drop in quality, you could give a specific situation or study to support your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your ideas, but it could be stronger. Restate your main points more clearly and show their importance in the larger context.
task response
You present a clear opinion in your introduction, which is important for the reader to understand your stance early on.
task response
You acknowledge the other side of the argument, which shows critical thinking and makes your essay more balanced.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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