Obesity has become an issue in some Western countries, especially among children.What are the reasons behind, and what effects does it have on individuals' life?

#obesity #countries #children #effects #individuals #life

Nowadays,

obesity

has turned into a major obstruction in Western countries, especially among juveniles.

This

essay will shed light on

rationales

Correct article usage

the rationales

show examples

behind it and reveal its effects. Major reasons that pave the way for additional weight are not only a poor diet but

also

a lack of regular

exercises

Fix the agreement mistake

exercise

show examples

Initially

, individuals primarily give the preference to eat unhealthy junk food in McDonalds or KFC. In today’s fast-paced society, widespread GM food can induce to be overweight.

Secondly

, the shortage of responsibility to do daily workouts can lead to

obesity

. Individuals splash out their time to immerse themselves

to obtain

Change preposition

in obtaining

show examples

invaluable knowledge at school rather than doing exercises. Routinely engaging in activities

such

as daily

run

Replace the word

running

show examples

can contribute to

stay

Wrong verb form

staying

show examples

fit and can diminish our mass. The implications of

obesity

are getting serious day by day and need to be taken into consideration.

Firstly

, fatness can generate serious health-related issues and influence adversely our life expectancy. Eating a balanced diet can alleviate the symptoms that plumpness brings about. Being obese can impede children

to race

Change preposition

from racing

show examples

competitively, causing a multitude of negative jokes

Change preposition

from

show examples

other students. Undergoing

Remove the article

apply

show examples

bullying is a common phenomenon that takes place in the majority of schools.

According to

some scientists, plumpness can suppress unpleasantly juveniles’ reasoning and deep thought, impacting undesirably to their graded marks and job life. Taking everything into consideration, despite the fact that being

obesity

has a number of grounds

such

as diet

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

and irresponsibility of individuals, there are abundant essential obstacles that

obesity

causes.

Submitted by bhoswriting on Fri Mar 29 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Style

To enhance the sophistication of your argument, consider introducing a wider variety of sentence structures and a more diverse vocabulary related to the topic at hand. This would not only make your essay more engaging but also showcase your linguistic capabilities.

Tone

Be cautious with the usage of terms and phrases that might seem a little informal or colloquial for an academic context. Phrases like 'splash out their time' or references to specific brands could be made more neutral or replaced with generalized terms to maintain an academic tone.

Structure

Pay attention to providing clear, logical transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This helps in maintaining a smooth flow and coherence throughout your essay, enhancing the reader's understanding and engagement.

Task Achievement

You have done an excellent job of addressing both components of the question - the reasons behind obesity, especially among children in Western countries and the effects of obesity on individuals' lives. Your comprehensive coverage of both parts of the question is commendable.

Introduction/Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the essence of your essay, providing clarity on your intention and summarizing your key points succinctly. This is a valuable skill in essay writing.

Supporting Details

You have successfully supported your main points with clear examples and explanations, which greatly enhances the strength of your arguments. The consistency in developing your ideas throughout the essay is notable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Children are told that if they try hard enough then they can success in some cultures. I think it depends on the thing they work on also the situation they are in, so it is good to try hard but think throughly is far more important before we work so hard on something.
6
band
Buying things on the internet, such as books, air tickets, and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantages?
Shopping online offers several advantages, but whether they outweigh the disadvantages depends on individual preferences. One advantage is the convenience of shopping from anywhere at any time, without the need to travel to physical stores. This can save time and effort, especially for those with busy schedules. Online retailers often offer a wider variety of products compared to brick-and-mortar stores, allowing customers to find specific items more easily. Additionally, online shopping enables price comparison across different retailers, helping consumers find the best deals and potentially saving money.
7
band
More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. (What are the reasons for this?, What can be done to solve this problem?) Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Well, there are many reasons why animals become extinct or enter this extensive list, here we will talk about some of them.
6.5
band
In some cities, there are few controls over the design and construction of new homes and office buildings, so people can build in whatever style they like. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
To start with, currently, I'm living in a city where the population is allowed to work on the design of their own houses, office centers, and also some public constructions because everything is going under the control of private businesses etc. I am against of system like this, because it leads to the bad appearance of the city, and makes everything disgusting to look at.
<4
band
Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are increasingly taking place online nowadays. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
Due to the rapid growth of technology, the world has come a long way . In the midst of change, internet become an integral part of the society . We can't even imagine a day without the internet. Over the past few years platforms like business , shopping , education , meeting and many more have shifted to online . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion . There are plethora of pros as well as some cons . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the rationale for both perspectives as well as proffer examples to justify the notion .

Obesity has become an issue in some Western countries, especially among children.What are the reasons behind, and what effects does it have on individuals' life?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Buying things on the internet, such as books, air tickets, and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. (What are the reasons for this?, What can be done to solve this problem?) Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some cities, there are few controls over the design and construction of new homes and office buildings, so people can build in whatever style they like. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are increasingly taking place online nowadays. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?