The modern life is harmful for people asit bring a lot of preasure and reduce the quality of relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In's today modern
life
, some people
believe that modern life
decline
the connection of Change the verb form
declines
relationship
between Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
people
along with
soar
more Wrong verb form
soaring
stress
detrimental
Correct word choice
and detrimental
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
for
Change preposition
on
human
. I agree with Fix the agreement mistake
humans
this
opinion and this
essay to day
will discuss some reasons to support the statement.
On the one hand, there are two major Correct your spelling
today
caution
that Change to a plural noun
cautions
people
think modern life
can be handy for relationship
and reduce Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
preasure
. Correct your spelling
pressure
Firstly
, more and more vehicles, systems and entertainments
are provided to Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
human
in order to relax and connect. After Fix the agreement mistake
humans
a
hard Correct article usage
apply
working
or school, Replace the word
work
the
boys or males can play Correct article usage
apply
game
to decrease Fix the agreement mistake
games
stress
, while
the
girls or females can watch Correct article usage
apply
Add an article
the video
a video
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
in
Change preposition
on
Tik
tok and Correct your spelling
TikTok
Youtube
. Correct your spelling
YouTube
Secondly
the network of modern life
, speciallyy
Correct your spelling
especially
specially
Correct article usage
the Internet
Internet
and social media can link Correct article usage
the Internet
long distance
relationships. Add a hyphen
long-distance
For example
, if you live in Vietnam, you can call with
your mom who lives in Japan by video call in Change preposition
apply
everyday
.
Replace the word
every day
On the other hand
, the
modern Correct article usage
apply
life
which
brings greater separation in a relationship and financial or job borden. The first one is that when Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
too
immerse Replace the word
to
yourself
in virtual relationships on social networks, they can Correct pronoun usage
themselves
forgest
their families, Correct your spelling
forget
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
offsprings
and their parents which Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
were
great important Wrong verb form
are
people
never lack in their life
. In some situations, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
people
do not choose to take care of old parents, instead
of
Change preposition
apply
Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
, they decide to chat with a new friend in
Change preposition
on
Internet
. Add an article
the Internet
Furthermore
, the mofern
Correct your spelling
modern
life
creats
many new jobs in Correct your spelling
creates
vary
fields which Replace the word
various
request
Verb problem
require
high
Correct article usage
a high
intennsity
of work. If Correct your spelling
intensity
people
want enomous
income, they have to accept Correct your spelling
enormous
a
work that Correct article usage
apply
have
Change the verb form
has
presure
and rejection.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
pressure
although
the
modern Correct article usage
apply
life
have
some advantages to Change the verb form
has
asisst
Correct your spelling
assist
humanin
relationships and fall Correct your spelling
human
stress
, I agree that this
problem of breaking or more stress
are
greater.Change the verb form
is
Submitted by hoangminhnhat150206 on
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Introduction clarity
Consider improving your introduction by clearly stating your opinion on the subject, which would give the reader a clear understanding of your stance from the beginning.
Sentence Structure
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability. Incorporating a mix of complex and compound sentences can make your writing more engaging.
Spelling and Grammar
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors, as they can distract from your message. Words like 'preasure' should be corrected to 'pressure', and 'asoar' should be 'soar'.
Precision and Typo
Use more precise language and check for typo errors such as 'In's' (should be 'In'), 'speciallyy' (should be 'specially'), and 'mofern' (should be 'modern').
Argument Reinforcement
While discussing both sides of the argument, ensure that your conclusion clearly restates your own viewpoint. This helps to reinforce your position and provides a strong ending to your essay.
Use of Examples
You effectively used examples to support your points, particularly with the mention of how modern life affects relationships and job pressures.
Structure
Your essay structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion, which is good for coherence and cohesion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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