IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest taxpayers’ money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

In recent times, there has been considerable debate over how
governments
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 should allocate taxpayers’ money. Some argue that
healthcare
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 should be the primary focus,
while
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 others believe that funding should be directed towards other important
sectors
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. Both perspectives will be discussed before presenting a personal opinion. On the one hand, proponents of investing in
healthcare
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 believe it is a fundamental responsibility of
governments
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 to ensure the well-being of their citizens. Good health is crucial for a productive society, and when people are healthy, they are better able to contribute to the economy.
Furthermore
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, public
healthcare
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 systems can reduce inequality by offering affordable services to everyone, especially the underprivileged. Without proper investment in
healthcare
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, preventable diseases could spread, leading to higher long-term costs and social instability.
On the other hand
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, some argue that other
sectors
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,
such
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 as education, infrastructure, and the environment, are equally deserving of government funding.
For example
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, investing in education can equip future generations with the skills needed to drive innovation and economic growth.
Similarly
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, improving infrastructure like roads and public transport can boost business and improve quality of life.
Additionally
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, addressing environmental issues is critical for sustainable development, which ultimately affects public health as well. In my opinion,
while
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healthcare
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 should be a major priority, a balanced approach is necessary.
Governments
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 must allocate sufficient funds to
healthcare
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 to ensure a healthy population, but not at the expense of other vital
sectors
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. A well-rounded investment strategy can create a stable and prosperous society in the long term. In conclusion,
although
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healthcare
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 is essential,
governments
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 should distribute taxpayers’ money across various
sectors
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 to achieve balanced and sustainable national development.

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task achievement
While your arguments are well-structured and supported, consider providing more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will strengthen your task achievement score further.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that the connections between your ideas are clear and logical. Although your essay is generally cohesive, some sentences could transition more smoothly to enhance overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion, effectively creating a cohesive structure for your essay.
task achievement
Your arguments regarding healthcare's importance and the need for balanced investment in other sectors are well-articulated, showcasing clear and comprehensive ideas. This contributes positively to your task response score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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