IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as practical problems. Do you agree or disagree with this idea?

#country #language #idea
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Language
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 is the bridge that connects
people
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; without it, the world remains distant. A handful of
people
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 ponder that a country where individuals need to speak a foreign
language
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 can bring social issues and challenges in their daily lives. I am in consummate accord with
this
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 notion and will explicate my viewpoint in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, Living in a country where
people
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 speak a
language
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 which is totally new for a person that just moved to that place will make him/her harder to adjust. To be more precise, a communication barrier can cause a social attraction and a person never be able to come out of their comfort zone.
For example
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, when my friend moved to China for work the first problem that he had to face was the
language
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,
due to
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 it he was not able to socialize with many
people
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 and always felt homesick.
As a result
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, foreign languages cause social barriers for folks. Continuing forward, the other dismal consequence is that non-native languages cause significant problems in daily life.
In other words
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,
people
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 will find it hard to find jobs and understanding important information, will make them feel excluded from social activities.
For Instance
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, not speaking the
language
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 can make it difficult to understand work instructions, leading to mistakes and problems at work. In Conclusion,It clearly
show
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shows
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 that not speaking the local
language
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 can create many challenges, from job difficulties to social isolation making it harder to fully integrate and succeed in a foreign country.
Submitted by harmanpreet021804 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more clearly so that each one clearly presents one main idea and elaborates on it.
Task Response
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your main ideas, which will strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each part of the essay is logically connected. Use linking words to improve the flow of ideas throughout the essay.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction is engaging and presents a clear position on the topic, setting a solid foundation for your essay.
Task Response
You have clearly addressed the prompt and articulated your agreement with the statement, offering reasons why living in a country where a foreign language is spoken can pose serious problems.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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