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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbear island between 2010 and 2017.

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbear island between 2010 and 2017.
#tourists #caribbear #island
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The figure displays how many
people
Use synonyms
 visited Carribean
Island
Use synonyms
 from the
period
Use synonyms
 2010 to 2017. The line graph
divided
Add a missing verb
is divided
show examples
 into three
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 which are the number of
people
Use synonyms
stayed
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 land,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 cruise ships and
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 total. Generally, there was an
overall
Linking Words
 upward trend going on over the whole reported
period
Use synonyms
 which went 350% from originally 1
million
Use synonyms
 to 3,5
million
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
the period
a period
show examples
To begin
Linking Words
, for
the
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 stayed at the
cruishing
Correct your spelling
crushing
cruising
 ships, there was an
overall
Linking Words
 inclination from approximately a quarter
million
Use synonyms
 in 2010 rose
four fold
Correct your spelling
fourfold
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 with 2
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in 2017.
Initially
Linking Words
, the number was lower than that of on
island
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it was turned in the
period
Use synonyms
 2015 to 2016. As for the tourists
Correct pronoun usage
who resided
show examples
resided
Wrong verb form
residing
show examples
 on the
island
Use synonyms
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
was in
Verb problem
apply
show examples
overall
Linking Words
 increased 2 times from around
three
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 quarter of
Use synonyms
million
Correct article usage
a million
show examples
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there was a fluctuation since it plateaued in 2013 to 2015 at one and
half
Change the article
a half
show examples
million
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
slighlty
Correct your spelling
slightly
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 in 2016 before went back
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the same level in 2017. All in all, the number of visitors had risen for both two groups with slight fluctuation along the way. The visitors who stayed on the
island
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 superior
than
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 that of on the ships,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
overlapped in 1 and half years before the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ath on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, however, overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, island, period, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 3 times.
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