IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Government should spend tax money on public libraries rather than public transportation improvements. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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It is true that some people assert that government authorities should allocate money gained from taxes to public
libraries
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instead
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 of improvements in public transport.
While
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 I believe that public
libraries
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 can be beneficial in terms of a better educational society,I agree that funds should be allotted to develop public vehicles as they can eradicate air pollution and time-wasting problems. On the one hand, developments in
libraries
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 can benefit society.
Firstly
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, students can be encouraged to study through various books about their lessons.
As a result
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,they can learn effectively and show better academic results which play a vital role in their future.
Secondly
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,there are some people apart from children who are interested in some topics but cannot find books to immerse themselves in them. If state officials invest in public
libraries
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,people can find a wide range of articles about these topics and delve into them,which in the long run,will lead to a more educated community.
On the other hand
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,I consider that it would be better to spend funds obtained from taxes on public vehicles rather than
libraries
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 as they can contribute to society more significantly.
Firstly
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,via advanced transportation systems,citizens can be induced to utilize them
instead
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 of personal cars.
Consequently
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,emissions of fumes can decrease considerably and ultimately,it can promote a healthy lifestyle among inhabitants.
Furthermore
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,residents who have no private cars are obliged to use public transportation to commute and waste their time because they are very slow.By allocating funds to improvements ,it is possible to cope with
this
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 concern and save time. In conclusion,
although
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 both views have their own merits,I believe that spending money on public transport can be more advantageous in terms of time efficiency and healthy life

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear distinction between your paragraphs with topic sentences that directly address the prompt.
Task Achievement
Develop your arguments with more extensive examples to further support your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the flow of your essay, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words.
Task Achievement
You provided a balanced view, addressing both sides of the argument effectively.
Task Achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarized your position, reinforcing the arguments made throughout your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical flow of your essay from introduction through to conclusion was clear and maintained reader interest.
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