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Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way for a government to prepare for the future is to invest in young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #future #people
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In
modern
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the modern
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 world, there are some
people
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 who believe that the most effective method for a nation to have good preparation for the future is to focus on
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generations. In my point of view,
although
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 young generations play an important role in developing
countries
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, investing in other factors is
also
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 significant.
To begin
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 with, there are several reasons why government should invest in young
people
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. First of all, it is
trie
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true
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 that young
people
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 are living in one of the most modern periods in human civilization.
Therefore
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, they can access other cultures and traditions in other
countries
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, creating opportunities for them to widen their knowledge and learn new languages. I think
,
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apply
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this
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 is a vital element that can contribute their
countries
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 to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 better future.
For example
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, lots of students go to study abroad,
after
Correct word choice
and after
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 few years later when they come back to their nation, they tend to help develop their
countries
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 in some fields.
Secondly
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, the younger generations contribute a huge part of the country’s workforce.
On the other hand
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, investing in other factors
such
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 as
Correct article usage
the
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economy, society and infrastructure is
also
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 important.
In addition
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, investing
unemployment
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in unemployment
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 by introducing more jobs for those who have difficulty in their lives which can help their
countries
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 become better.
To sum up
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, young
people
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 are living in the modern world so they can possess a lot of opportunities and potential for the development and innovation of the
countries
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.
Although
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,
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apply
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 children are important for the future of the country, other factors can play important roles.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Specific Examples
Try providing more specific examples to support your points. While you’ve mentioned students studying abroad and contributing to their home countries, further elaboration or additional examples could strengthen your argument.
Grammar
Review your essay for minor grammatical inaccuracies that can slightly disturb the flow but do not significantly hinder understanding. Attention to detail can elevate your overall performance.
Vocabulary & Sentence Structure
Consider using varied sentence structures and more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance the complexity and fluency of your writing.
Introduction
Your introduction sets a clear stance on the topic, effectively outlining the scope of the essay. This is pivotal for task achievement.
Structure & Coherence
The logical structuring of paragraphs facilitates a coherent flow of ideas, leading the reader through your argument effortlessly.
Balanced Argument
You've addressed both sides of the argument, appreciating the importance of investing in young people while also recognizing the value of broader societal investments, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • adaptability
  • entrepreneurship
  • demographics
  • socioeconomic
  • civic engagement
  • leadership
  • sustainable development
  • preventative measures
  • infrastructure
  • global competitiveness
  • skill development
  • vocational training
  • public policy
  • social welfare
  • human capital
  • technological literacy
  • inclusive growth
  • long-term planning
  • fiscal responsibility
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