IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Undoubtedly, the consumption of sucrose is harmful to an individual's health.
As a result
Linking Words
, some people argue that it is the government's responsibility to control the volume of sugar they eat. I partly agree with the view.
While
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 governments should implement strict measures to reduce sugar intake, individuals must take personal responsibility and comply with new policies in order for them to be truly effective.
To begin
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 with, governments can enforce strict policies that define the appropriate sucrose levels for an individual's consumption.
Moreover
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, different measures can be used to enhance transparency between products and customers by forcing organisations to ship a mandatory nutritional score in their marketing and packaging.
Furthermore
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, the following addition would help people to cancel items that they find unhealthy for them.
However
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, despite the potential benefits of these strategies, a similar proposal in Italy faced significant backlash, demonstrating the complexities of implementing
such
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 strategies.
On the other hand
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,
while
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 policies are great for setting a foundation for change, individuals must comply with the changes in order for them to be truly meaningful.
However
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, some argue that enforcing these measures violates their right to freedom and they should be allowed to consume items
according to
Linking Words
 their own will without judgements.
Therefore
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, a lack of like-minded individuals creates a difficult situation for governments and for the following reason a person should understand their responsibility towards their personal health. In conclusion, governing bodies can implement strategies that are both meaningful and important in tackling the sugar consumption problem.
However
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, people believe that their right to freedom allows them to eat anything they wish and with addition of a system to regulate their eating choices is a violation of their rights.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly states your opinion and outlines the discussion points. However, it could also briefly mention the benefits of government intervention explicitly to create a stronger map for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs have a logical flow, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using linking words more effectively to enhance coherence.
task achievement
While you provide reasons and examples for your points, additional specific examples or data could better support your arguments, particularly in the second body paragraph.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is commendable for critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Good vocabulary and varied sentence structures are used throughout the essay, which showcases your language proficiency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • public health issue
  • government intervention
  • regulations
  • processed foods
  • mandatory labeling
  • sugar tax
  • dietary choices
  • education
  • nutrition
  • food manufacturers
  • slippery slope
  • overregulation
  • individual freedoms
  • informed decisions
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