In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an age oh population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits of society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays average lifespan
was highly
increased and Verb problem
has
people
now live longer than they used to. It is evident that elderly people
can be a problem for the government, but at the same time
society can benefit from an ageing Add a comma
time,
population
. Nevertheless
, merits
of having an older Correct article usage
the merits
population
definitely outweigh demerits
.
On the one hand, having elderly Correct article usage
the demerits
people
can bring out obvious drawbacks. Firstly
, they are in need of high expenses. Their retirement might last
30 years, which would result in the country’s budget. As a result
, less money could be spent on other spheres those
are in need of an upgrade, Correct pronoun usage
that
such
as medicine, education, environmental projects and other social needs. Secondly
, as people
live longer, the space for new borns
lessens. Correct your spelling
newborns
For instance
, due to
this
reason in China
each family can have only one child Add a comma
China,
at
Change preposition
apply
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
,
because there Remove the comma
apply
are even
no space for more children.
Verb problem
is
On the other hand
, there are some key advantages that exceed disadvantages. It is undeniable that mostly
elderly Correct your spelling
most
people
are really smart because through
Change preposition
throughout
the
life they studied Correct article usage
apply
large
amount of information. Change the article
a large
Consequently
, if the elderly people
live longer, more
younger generations could be taught Fix the agreement mistake
apply
with
a lot of knowledge that elderly Change preposition
apply
people
have. Also
, an ageing population
is very wise. So, in case if
young Correct word choice
apply
people
are in need of someone’s help, they will be better to ask for a piece of advice to
an ageing Change preposition
from
population
because it will be meaningful and valuable because of their great experience and wisdom.
In conclusion, while
there are some pros and cons of having elderly people
, advantages
definitely outweigh Correct article usage
the advantages
disadvantages
, especially in terms of Correct article usage
the disadvantages
communications
between generations and providing society with knowledge.Fix the agreement mistake
communication
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Content & Examples
It would enhance the overall clarity of your essay if you provide more concrete examples or statistics to support your arguments regarding the drawbacks and benefits of an ageing population. Specific examples can make your points more persuasive.
Paragraph Structure
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. While the logical structure of your essay is commendable, tightening the focus of each paragraph could enhance clarity and argumentative coherence.
Accuracy & Nuance
Be cautious with general statements that might require more nuanced consideration, such as the assertion about family planning policies in China or the inherent wisdom of the elderly. These statements could benefit from clarification to avoid potential oversimplification of complex issues.
Introduction & Conclusion
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, providing a coherent perspective on the topic. This creates a strong foundation for your argument.
Language Use
Your essay demonstrates a good level of fluency in English, with a clear effort to use a range of vocabulary and complex sentences to articulate ideas. This contributes positively to the readability and sophistication of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've structured your essay with a logical flow, transitioning smoothly between points and developing your argument progressively. This enhances the overall coherence and engagement for the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example