IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the result of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reason why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared. Write a report for a university lecturer, describing the information shown below.

The charts below show the result of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reason why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared. Write a report for a university lecturer, describing the information shown below.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given charts illustrate the survey findings regarding
adult
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
. The bar chart shows the motivation behind
adult
Use synonyms
 learning
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart shows the perspective on the distribution of
adult
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
costs
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that interest in
subject
Correct article usage
a subject
show examples
 and to gain qualifications are the most common
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why
people
Use synonyms
 decide to
study
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 to meet
people
Use synonyms
 is the least one.
Besides
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
individuals
Use synonyms
 should purchase the majority of
Use synonyms
costs
Correct article usage
the costs
show examples
 of each course for
adult
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are 40
people
Use synonyms
 who choose to
study
Use synonyms
 because of
favoured
Correct word choice
a favourite
show examples
 subject, following that the number of
people
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 to gain qualifications less than that of 2
individuals
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
22
people
Use synonyms
decide
Wrong verb form
decided
show examples
 to
study
Use synonyms
 because they think it is helpful for
current
Correct pronoun usage
their current
show examples
 job. The number of
people
Use synonyms
want
Correct pronoun usage
who want
show examples
 to
study
Use synonyms
 to improve
prospect
Add an article
the prospect
show examples
 of promotion is as many as the number of
individuals
Use synonyms
 studying because they enjoy learning/studying. 12
people
Use synonyms
 take part in
Use synonyms
study
Add an article
a study
the study
show examples
 to able to change their job and less than 10
peole
Correct your spelling
people
Use synonyms
study
Change to a plural noun
studies
show examples
 to meet
people
Use synonyms
. Moving on to the other categories,
individuals
Use synonyms
 hold the lion's share in the
costs
Use synonyms
 of each course with 40%.
Secondly
Linking Words
, employer accounts for 35%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the distribution of
adult
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
costs
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the percentage of
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
' shared
costs
Use synonyms
 of each cost is 25%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words adult, education, costs, people, study, individuals with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: