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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays,
technology
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 plays a crucial role in
people
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's social life.
While
Linking Words
 many claim that the development of
technology
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 has drawn
people
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 together, others argue that it contributes to social isolation. I believe that
technology
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 is a useful and beneficial tool for communication if
people
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 utilize it with discipline. One side of the argument is that communicating online has helped in forming bonds among different
people
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 from different places.
This
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 means that the accessibility and flexibility of social media websites enable
people
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 from various parts of the world to connect at any time from anywhere, providing them with a larger social circle and deeper knowledge about diverse cultures.
For example
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, when
people
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 from Asia can communicate with those from America, they have the opportunity to share each other's culture.
On the other hand
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, it is believed that online interaction can estrange
people
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 from their society. Take a teenager who devotes most of his time to social websites and is addicted to the internet as an example. Over time, he might eventually isolate himself from his family and real-life friends .
As a result
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, he can face and suffer social problems in his environment.
This
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 situation is actually happening to many teenagers these days.
Therefore
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, relying on
technology
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 to communicate is like a double-edged sword to many users who cannot maintain a balance between their personal and online lives. In conclusion, it is true that advancements in
technology
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 can bring
people
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 together despite the argument that they can alienate them from their society. I firmly believe that ,with proper discipline, the usage of
technology
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 to connect
people
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial in social networking.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between paragraphs using clearer linking phrases or words.
Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or data to strengthen the main points discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion that cover the main aspects of the topic.
Task Achievement
Both views are discussed thoroughly, showing good task understanding.
Task Achievement
The essay employs a balanced perspective, discussing the pros and cons effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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