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Writing Samples
Band 8

the chart shows that male and female teacheres in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010

the chart shows that male and female teacheres in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010
The given chart depicts the percentage of male and female
teachers
Use synonyms
 in six distinguished types of educational settings in the UK in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the chart that women hold the lion's share of nursery/
Pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
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 and primary school
while
Linking Words
 men are responsible for private training institutes and
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
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far more than women.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, women occupy the vast majority of pre-school
teachers
Use synonyms
 and primary
teachers
Use synonyms
 with a massive around 95% for both.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, men make up a tiny majority of those figures below 10%.
Next,
Linking Words
the proportion of female
teachers
Use synonyms
 in secondary school is more than 10% than that of male
teachers
Use synonyms
 around 55%. Moving on to the other categories, the number of female
teachers
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 in college is as same as male
teachers
Use synonyms
 about 50%. Around 60% of male
teachers
Use synonyms
 in private training institutes which is more than 15% of female
teachers
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, most university
teachers
Use synonyms
 are male with 70%
while
Linking Words
 female
teachers
Use synonyms
 account for less than twice that.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words teachers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational setting
  • gender disparity
  • workforce distribution
  • primary education
  • secondary education
  • further education
  • higher education
  • adult education
  • trends
  • implications
  • representation
  • gender roles
  • societal views
  • significant differences
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