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Band 5.5

Grades encourage students to work harder at school. Do you agree or disagree

#grades #students #work #school
In today's society, we can see that all the schools have remarkably noticed their
students
 in order to encourage
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 knowledge and to gain a good score.
This
 statement could be pushing the pupils to study hard and compete with the others to fight over who is the most
cleaver
Correct your spelling
clever
show examples
 at that time. In my personal point of view, I strongly agree with
this
 statement. In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss the validity of
this
 statement and give my own reasons for it. One of the main reasons has to do with their ability to get the best opportunities in the next stage of their education. As we know, nowadays, some institutions require
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
by sorting
Change preposition
to sort
show examples
 their GPA levels.
For instance
,
students
 who have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good enough scores could have many opportunities to try in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher schools with valuable quality.
On the other hand
, some of the
students
 experience
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial difficulties
to pay
Change preposition
in paying
show examples
 their tuition fees. Gaining
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 tremendous mark can be able to help the
students
 to reach the scholarships and get free access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 study.
As a result
, getting the free
paid
Replace the word
pay
show examples
 of education trains the
students
 to chase with their friends and to compete with each other to achieve higher marks because normally, the scholarship institutional systems only accept several people by selecting from the best mark.
To sum up
, from the above reasons, we can conclude that having a good mark in the class could have more advantages and opportunities for them.
In addition
 to that, it can
also
 secure their financial ability in a great way.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of sentence structures to make your writing more sophisticated.
task achievement
Including more specific examples and evidence could strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes; these can detract from the clarity of your essay.
task achievement
Consider exploring a counterargument to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively bookend your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical flow, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You've clearly articulated your viewpoint and supported it with relevant reasons.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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