IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

The internet has made knowledge immediately available to people through computers and smartphones all around the world. Much of this knowledge is also free.

#internet #people #computers #smartphones #world
The
internet
 is a massive repository of human
knowledge
 and it continues to accumulate more every day. At the click of a button, one can access
information
 on just about any topic, from the abstract to the mundane. Not only is the
information
 immediate, but it is
also
 free.
This
 essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of
this
 trend. There are numerous advantages to
internet
-based learning.
Firstly
, it makes finding
information
 much quicker.
For example
, using search engines
such
 as Google, we can simply type in whatever we want
information
 about, and the results are generated instantly.
In addition
 to the speed at which one can find some form of
knowledge
, the depth of the
knowledge
 available is
also
 more substantial.
For instance
, tools
such
 as Wikipedia are much more comprehensive than traditional, paper-based encyclopedias.
Overall
, online
knowledge
 nowadays is both efficient and broad. Readily available
knowledge
 is not without its disadvantages,
however
. One
such
 disadvantage is that
internet
-based
information
 may be inaccurate. Many people use online forums to share
information
, but there is no fact-checking within these, which can lead to misinformation. What’s more, we are at the mercy of electronics.
While
 a book can
last
 a century, the
internet
 may be susceptible to failure. In short, there are drawbacks to the expansion of
knowledge
 on the
internet
. In conclusion,
this
 essay discussed both the advantages and the disadvantages of free and immediate
information
 available on the
internet
. In short,
while
 the benefits are enormous, the drawbacks should not be overlooked.
Submitted by Haris Khan on

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Task Achievement
To elevate your task response score, you can deepen your analysis of how the availability of immediate information affects various aspects of society or individual behaviors. Offering a more nuanced perspective or a wider range of impacts could provide a stronger, more comprehensive response.
Coherence & Cohesion
A more diverse range of linking words and phrases could enhance the cohesion of the essay. Consider incorporating transitional phrases that not only compare and contrast but also indicate cause and effect or a sequence of ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
To further support your main points, consider including more detailed examples or brief case studies which specifically illustrate the benefits and drawbacks you discuss. Doing so will strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.
Introduction & Conclusion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, framing your argument clearly and engaging the reader from the start.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
You demonstrated a strong ability to articulate clear, comprehensive ideas, effectively structuring your arguments and sustaining a logical progression throughout the essay.
Relevant & Specific Examples
The inclusion of specific examples, like Google and Wikipedia, to illustrate the immediacy and breadth of online knowledge was a strong aspect of your task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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