Nowadays, obesity one of the common issues in some Western countries and mostly children struggle with this health problem

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Over the

last

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decades, Western populations have seen an increase in the number of

children

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who suffer from

the

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apply

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obesity and

as well as

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, overweight.

This

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essay will discuss some reasons why

this

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occurred and shed light on the consequences of

this

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adverse tendency. The critical cause of

this

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issue is a poor diet. In the

last

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ten years, there has been a dramatic ascent in the number of fast food,

additionally

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its restaurants.

For instance

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, in the USA approximately every street has McDonald’s, KFC, and numerous

such

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places. The junk food in these places is not healthy and it contains a lot of food pollutants, and hazardous chemicals and is consumed by customers, especially

children

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. The effects of

this

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have been and will continue to be very weighty.

Firstly

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, there has been a significant increase in the rates of disease conditions, and health issues amongst

children

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, especially diabetes. The majority of youngsters are suffering from serious illnesses which relate to being overweight and obese.

Moreover

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, it can lead to feelings of embarrassment among their peers and lower self-confidence and self-esteem.

Furthermore

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, it

also

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brings viable discrimination in the job and business market and can be another negative impact of being obese.

To sum up

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, the obvious conclusion to be drawn is that,

it is clear that

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there are plenty of causes of being overweight amongst

children

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and a larger variety of detrimental effects. Society must ensure steps are taken to prevent

this

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problem from

further

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feruzayla2006Sun Mar 31 2024

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Style

Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and eloquence. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your writing more engaging.

Structure

To improve clarity and coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within it are directly related to that main idea.

Content

Including more specific examples and data to support your points could strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.

Grammar

Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, as polishing these can enhance the professionalism of your essay.

Analysis

When discussing solutions or providing analysis, consider exploring a broader range of perspectives for a more in-depth discussion.

Introduction/Conclusion

You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, providing a clear overview and summarization of your main points.

Content Relevance

You successfully identified relevant causes and consequences of the issue, which directly responds to the task's requirements.

Cohesion

The essay has a logical flow, which makes it easier to follow your line of argument.

Use of Examples

Your use of examples, such as the presence of fast-food chains, illustrates your points well, making your arguments more tangible.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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13
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

246 words

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Nowadays, obesity one of the common issues in some Western countries and mostly children struggle with this health problem

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Government should put taxes on unhealthy food so that people eat healthy foods more. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that in today's world subjects like Science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.

Some people think that countries should limit the amount of food that they import and mainly eat products from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?