IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in the sea. What are the reasons and solutions?

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In
this
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 day and age, the extinction of numerous land and sea creatures is becoming a rising global concern because of human activities. There are several causes of
this
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 alarming trend, but measures could certainly be taken to tackle the problem. There are several reasons why more and more animal species are on the verge of extinction not only on land but
also
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 in the sea.
Firstly
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, illegal hunting is one of the most popular activities all around the world. The poachers have a tendency to kill some valuable
animals
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such
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 as tigers, elephants, and so on for skin and ivory in order to meet their need for food and fashionable supplements.
This
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 has caused the population of those
animals
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 to decline in recent years. The second factor is related to industrial activities that play an important role in polluting wild
animals
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’ natural habitat.
Thus
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, a large number of
animals
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 do not have any safe shelters to live in or find food, pushing them to the verge of extinction.
Moreover
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, there is a dangerous accident from oil exploitation when a large amount of oil is
spilled
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spilt
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in
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into
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 the sea, which leads to the disappearance of many kinds of aquatic creatures
such
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 as fish because of exposure to the chemicals. There are several actions that governments and individuals could take to solve the problems described above. One good approach to decreasing illegal hunting is that the authorities should launch campaigns to propagate and raise people's awareness and understanding, or even impose stricter punishments on poachers
such
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 as life imprisonment or heavy fines.
Furthermore
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, more wildlife sanctuaries are built to keep
animals
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 that are on the red list there for their safety. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 people have caused many extreme problems affecting some
animals
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’ populations and safety. I believe that it is essential for the government and individuals to join hands and put more effort into fighting poaching.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the logical sequence of ideas is not only present but also maintains a flow that can be followed effortlessly. Try using varied transitional phrases and clear topic sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Be sure to have a distinctive introduction and conclusion, but make sure they are clearly aligned with the body paragraphs. They should clearly state and summarize the main points.
coherence and cohesion
Your main points are supported, yet they would benefit from even deeper analysis and more varied examples. Elaborate on your points for a richer essay.
task achievement
You addressed the task and provided a response that covers the topic, but ensure comprehensive coverage by expanding on ideas and solutions for greater depth.
task achievement
Aim to present ideas more precisely and expand on them to give the reader a full understanding. Clear and comprehensive points are key for a high-scoring essay.
task achievement
Include a wider range of specific examples. Connecting your arguments to real-world examples or case studies greatly enhances the content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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