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Writing Samples /
Band 6

An Australian company offers money to foreign students to study in Australia. Write a letter to company.

#australian #company #money #students #study #australia
Dear Sir or Miss. Hi, my name is Kaeya. I'm living in a Mondstadt And I writing to you to get some money to study in Australia for about 2 months. Until I make a decision should I stay
further
 or get back home (Mondstadt)? The main thing that I want to study is
English
.
However
, you will ask, " Why do I need an
English
? ", I'm actually writing in
English
 to you. It is just because the Australian type of language is completely different from the other dialects of
English
. In fact, the Australian one is more unusual and easier than the others as well. Basically, your organisation offers one hundred dollars per student. But I think that you should give me a bit more money to study. Because my city is too far from Australia and it uses Mora
instead
 of dollars. So I hope that you will give me as much money as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 need. I hope that you will answer me. And I expect that my request will pass your verification. Yours faithfully Kaeya.
Submitted by nigora1629 on

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writing tone
Begin with a more formal greeting, such as 'Dear Sir or Madam', and use a formal closing, like 'Yours sincerely' followed by your full name. This will make your letter more aligned with formal letter writing conventions.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea to improve the clarity of your letter. For example, one paragraph for introducing yourself and the purpose of the letter, another for explaining why you need the scholarship, etc.
writing style
Increase the level of formality in your language. Avoid colloquial phrases and strive for a more formal tone throughout to align with the expected style of a formal letter.
task response
Provide a clear rationale and supportive details for your request. Instead of stating 'I think that you should give me a bit more money', explain why the standard amount might not suffice for your specific circumstances, giving concrete reasons.
task achievement
Your letter clearly states your request and reason for writing, which helps in addressing the task.
task achievement
The personal touch and explanation for wanting to learn Australian English add a unique element to your letter, making your reason for the request memorable.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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