IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Somez people think that governments should spend more money on sports facilities for top athletes. Others argue that this money should be spent on sports facilities for ordinary people. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Many
people
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 claim that
athletes
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 an important
people
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 because they can bring honour to their
country
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 when they win the game so the
government
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 should focus on them and spend on
athletes
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.
However
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, it is just only a group of
people
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 but other
people
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 think that's
government
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 should support facilities for sport and other national in the
country
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 as well.
To begin
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 with, let's take a look at why numerous nations are conscious of sportsmen. As mentioned on top honour of clime is important for populations it can be soft power
also
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.
Moreover
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, it can make money from tourists and sponsors who want to invest in sports and it can make money for the
country
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 too.
For instance
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, klick boxing many
people
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 stereotype that Thai
people
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 are experts in
this
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 game and many tourists come to learn in Thailand so it makes income for the
country
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 and boxing gyms. Alternatively, some
people
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 want
budget
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 distribution because every sector plays an important role in developing the
country
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. It is not just
athletes
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 who can bring honour, and fame to the
country
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 or generate income for the
country
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, but every sector can play a part in developing the
country
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,
such
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 as public health, education or industry.
Therefore
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, distributing the
budget
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 to many sectors will have a significant impact on the
country
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.
Although
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,
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apply
show examples
 ordinary citizens
also
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 play a part in developing the
country
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, the
budget
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 should be allocated to the welfare state to
further
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 develop the
country
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.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, all parts are important. It is the
government
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's duty to manage the
budget
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 to be sufficient for developing the potential of the
people
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 in the
country
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, not just
athletes
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 who should receive financial support to develop themselves. Because not everyone has the ability or interest in sports. If the
government
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 has to pay a high price to develop
athletes
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 only, it is not a worthwhile investment.

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task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your points, especially when discussing how budget distribution can impact sectors besides sports.
overall
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to make your argument clearer. Some sentences need better construction to fully convey your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument before delving into details, to give the reader a comprehensive overview right from the start.
task achievement
The essay attempts to discuss both sides of the argument, which is a strong approach to this topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main argument, reinforcing the narrative that the government should consider the broader needs of society.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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