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Band 3

Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#everybody #amount #income #support #charity
In a recent cutting-edge era, where a vast majority of
people
 are suffering from poverty becoming the main issue of the year.
Consequently
, I personally lean towards the idea of supporting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
charity organisations to contribute your treasure to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. First and foremost, saving some part of
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 for the donations will encourage generosity among the
people
.
Therefore
, the smiles of joyful kids
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 got their basic needs
such
 as school equipment and uniforms will melt your heart.
For example
, in most cases, the individuals with a high endowment to the orphanages are spreading goodness all around the world.
As a result
,
open-handnesses
Correct your spelling
open-handness
 brings
people
 together. Alternatively, mankind with a huge amount of fortune
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 capable of decreasing the rate of poverty in their countries.
Moreover
, a small deed is better than a big idleness.
For instance
, assisting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 with restrictions could be the reason for the decline in unemployment. In general, these actions encourage
people
 to do good deeds.
Submitted by libranefertiti93 on

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task achievement
Introduce your essay with a clear thesis statement to adequately address the prompt. This sets a strong foundation for your argument.
task achievement
Try to directly respond to the question posed in the prompt. It's important to explicitly state the extent to which you agree or disagree on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Include a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position. This provides a coherent closure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear, distinct paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. Use linking words to help your ideas flow from one to another.
task achievement
Enhance your argument by providing more specific examples and details to support your points. This enriches your essay and makes your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the positive impact on children and efforts to reduce unemployment, helps to support your main points effectively.
task achievement
Your essay reflects a compassionate viewpoint, effectively advocating for charity and empathy towards the less fortunate, which engages the reader.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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