IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important to involve punishment when educating children so that they can distinguish right and wrong. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this notion?

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The Internet revolution has been discussed widely recently.
People
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 have been watching the latest
news
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 using social media and live channels
instead
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 of the traditional old ways,
such
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 as reading the newspaper. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why
people
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 prefer to use the internet resources to be updated on world events. On the
first
Correct word choice
other
show examples
 hand, it is easy for individuals to access the internet.
This
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 has helped them to find answers based on their interests.
For example
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, my grandfather is interested in the political
news
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 as he was in the army in 1980. He can use his phone, which is connected to wifi, not only to follow the political
news
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 but
also
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 to read about the history of nations, without the need for advanced technological skills.
However
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, the written
news
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 in the newspaper may not be what they are looking for.
On the other hand
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, the in-spot update is very important for many
people
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, especially the money makers. It helps them to manage their businesses successfully.
For instance
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, gold traders depend on the hour-to-hour price change to decide whether to buy or sell gold. If they were not aware of the fresh data, they would not be able to make wise financial decisions.
While
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 waiting for the paper
news
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 on the next day will not help them to gain more profit. In conclusion,
people
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 prefer having quick and easy access that saves their time and money and meets their interests. The newspaper is no longer providing
this
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 for them.

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task achievement
Ensure that all points you want to make are fully developed. Some ideas were mentioned but not sufficiently explored, such as the significance of social connections through the internet.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify the distinctions between the advantages of the Internet and how the newspaper lacks these benefits. More explicit comparisons could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary. This would enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of your writing.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies the preference for Internet resources and gives relevant examples to support this point.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states your focus on the preference for Internet over traditional news sources, which sets a good foundation for your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • positive reinforcement
  • negative reinforcement
  • punishment
  • discipline
  • ethics
  • morality
  • self-esteem
  • resentment
  • fear
  • psychological impact
  • balanced approach
  • guidance
  • behavior modeling
  • cultural perspectives
  • strictness
  • dialogue
  • understanding
  • time-outs
  • loss of privileges
  • natural consequences
  • accountability
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