IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the sales of the three most commonly purchased items in a particular bakery for the year 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#information #sales #three #items #bakery #year #summarise #features #comparisons
The given graph provides information about
sales
 of
3
Correct article usage
the 3
show examples
most commonly purchased items in
specific
Add an article
the specific
a specific
show examples
bakery
Fix the agreement mistake
bakeries
show examples
 for the year 2014. The items are
bread
,
buns
 and
pies
.
Overall
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bread
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 the most purchased
item
 in the first and
last
 of 2014,but between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
January and
December
Add a comma
December,
show examples
 the
Buns
sales
rate
 soared and caught up
bread
Change preposition
with bread
show examples
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in the
last
 4
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
 the
rate
 declined and even caught up
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
Pies
 which was the least purchased
item
.
Firstly
,
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the start of
2014
Add a comma
2014,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Bread
 was the most
saled
Correct your spelling
sold
item
 with $80000, but after
Janguary
Correct your spelling
January
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bread
's
rate
 was declined and caught up by
Buns
 in March. After
buns
 took over the first place its
rate
 increased until May and became stable for 4 months, but rapidly decreased and even caught by
pies
.
While
 the
rate
 of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 2 items
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 fighting,
th
Correct your spelling
the
bread
's
sales
rate
 rapidly increased for the
last
 3 months and reached $80000 just like it was before in the first of the year.
Secondly
, the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
least purchased
item
 was
pies
 with $10000
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the year, but got into second place in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
December
due to
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
sales
 of
buns
.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, bread, buns, pies, item, rate with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
▼
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