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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many countries spend a lot of money in art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both arguments and give your opinion

#countries #money #art #people #investment #health #education #arguments
Many states spend a huge
amount
 of
money
 in the
art
 sector.
While others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
 argue that it is not necessary,
instead
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that the
money
 should be better to
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
health
Change preposition
on health
show examples
 and
education
.
This
 essay will delve into both sides with my personal viewpoint. Investing
art
Change preposition
in art
show examples
 is one of the important
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
 in
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
show examples
 countries.
This
 is because it maintains
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 society as it improves a sense of compassion and integrity, which are essential in human beings. It is easy to make public awareness through
art
, as it can illustrate various
phenomenons
Replace the word
phenomena
show examples
 of life.
For instance
,
people
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 aspects of corruption when they watch
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 rather than
hearing
Wrong verb form
hear
show examples
 some news
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the media.
Therefore
, supporting various types of arts is crucial in developed countries, and they spend a huge
amount
 of
money
 in
this
 sector as they have already realized its
further
 benefits to their citizens.
Hence
, in my opinion, dedicating
certain
Change the article
a certain
show examples
amount
 of
money
 should be allocated
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
art
.
On the other hand
, when general rates of
education
 and
health
 are low, government need to devote more
money
 to these sectors.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 some
people
 do not encourage the former idea. It is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
investment
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these sectors
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more important because citizens cannot enjoy artistic activities when their first
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
,
such
 as well-being and
education
,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not sufficient. Take
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, sick
people
prefer
Correct pronoun usage
who prefer
show examples
 to buy
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 medicine that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 required to
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
 their
health
 improvement rather than
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to the opera theatre.
Consequently
, taking
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 steps
for improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
health
 and
education
 should be
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 step when
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 needs to make decisions.
However
, in some
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
,
art
 can improve our moods and feelings,
therefore
, some
people
 enjoy
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
 when they are sick because it helps them
releasing
Wrong verb form
release
show examples
 their stress and
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 their negative moods.
To conclude
, devoting
certain
Change the article
a certain
show examples
amount
 of budget to the
art
 sector is essential.
While
 maintaining
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
education
 and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 being
is
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 important
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are the first
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
 of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
, I believe that the feeling that gives
art
 can release our stress and sickness.
Moreover
,
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 way of raising awareness of social issues through
art
 is easier to understand
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
.
As a result
, spending
money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
 is crucial in our society.
Submitted by zulzayanyamkhu on

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structure
Structure your essay into defined paragraphs for clarity.
linking
To enhance coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases.
grammar
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structures.
examples
Present clear examples to support your arguments. While hypotheticals are useful, reference to specific studies or statistics could strengthen your position.
content
You've effectively presented and discussed both viewpoints on investment in art versus health and education, demonstrating a balanced analysis.
introduction/conclusion
Your introductory and concluding paragraphs clearly set out your opinion, making your stance known from the beginning.
analysis
You show a strong understanding of the topic and engage with it critically, reflecting on the importance of both art and essential services like health and education.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • vital part
  • culture and heritage
  • attracting tourists
  • promote diversity
  • foster creativity
  • fundamental needs
  • directly impact
  • economic performance
  • productive workforce
  • widespread benefits
  • solid foundation
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