Many countries spend a lot of money in art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both arguments and give your opinion
Many states spend a huge
amount
of money
in the art
sector. While others
argue that it is not necessary, Correct word choice
Others
instead
of
that the Change preposition
apply
money
should be better to spend
Wrong verb form
spent
health
and Change preposition
on health
education
. This
essay will delve into both sides with my personal viewpoint.
Investing art
is one of the important Change preposition
in art
aspect
in Change to a plural noun
aspects
well developed
countries. Add a hyphen
well-developed
This
is because it maintains better
society as it improves a sense of compassion and integrity, which are essential in human beings. It is easy to make public awareness through Correct article usage
a better
art
, as it can illustrate various phenomenons
of life. Replace the word
phenomena
For instance
, people
more
aware Add a missing verb
are more
about
Change preposition
of
negative
aspects of corruption when they watch Correct article usage
the negative
movie
rather than Fix the agreement mistake
movies
hearing
some news Wrong verb form
hear
on
the media. Change preposition
in
Therefore
, supporting various types of arts is crucial in developed countries, and they spend a huge amount
of money
in this
sector as they have already realized its further
benefits to their citizens. Hence
, in my opinion, dedicating certain
Change the article
a certain
amount
of money
should be allocated in
the Change preposition
to
art
.
On the other hand
, when general rates of education
and health
are low, government need to devote more money
to these sectors. As a
result
some Add a comma
result,
people
do not encourage the former idea. It is true that the
investment Correct article usage
apply
of
these sectors Change preposition
in
are
more important because citizens cannot enjoy artistic activities when their first Correct subject-verb agreement
is
demand
, Fix the agreement mistake
demands
such
as well-being and education
, is
not sufficient. Take Correct subject-verb agreement
are
for
example, sick Add the comma(s)
, for
people
prefer
to buy Correct pronoun usage
who prefer
their
medicine that Change the word
the
are
required to Change the verb form
is
maintaining
their Wrong verb form
maintain
health
improvement rather than going
to the opera theatre. Wrong verb form
go
Consequently
, taking neccessary
steps Correct your spelling
necessary
for improving
Change preposition
to improve
health
and education
should be first
step when Change the article
the first
government
needs to make decisions. Add an article
the government
However
, in some case
, Fix the agreement mistake
cases
art
can improve our moods and feelings, therefore
, some people
enjoy arts
when they are sick because it helps them Fix the agreement mistake
art
releasing
their stress and Wrong verb form
release
improving
their negative moods.
Wrong verb form
improve
To conclude
, devoting certain
Change the article
a certain
amount
of budget to the art
sector is essential. While
maintaining good
Correct article usage
a good
education
and healthy
being Correct article usage
a healthy
is
important Wrong verb form
are
that
are the first Correct pronoun usage
which
demand
of human Fix the agreement mistake
demands
being
, I believe that the feeling that gives Fix the agreement mistake
beings
art
can release our stress and sickness. Moreover
, they
way of raising awareness of social issues through Correct your spelling
the
art
is easier to understand public
. Correct article usage
the public
As a result
, spending money
to
Change preposition
on
the
Correct article usage
apply
art
is crucial in our society.Submitted by zulzayanyamkhu on
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structure
Structure your essay into defined paragraphs for clarity.
linking
To enhance coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases.
grammar
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structures.
examples
Present clear examples to support your arguments. While hypotheticals are useful, reference to specific studies or statistics could strengthen your position.
content
You've effectively presented and discussed both viewpoints on investment in art versus health and education, demonstrating a balanced analysis.
introduction/conclusion
Your introductory and concluding paragraphs clearly set out your opinion, making your stance known from the beginning.
analysis
You show a strong understanding of the topic and engage with it critically, reflecting on the importance of both art and essential services like health and education.